Blogeurism

That's my new word. It's a combination of "blogging" and "voyeurism." Because it occurred to me this morning, as I was perusing random blogs and in some cases delving in deeply to the lives of people I don't even know, that this is merely voyeurism, except that I guess we're all sort of asking for it, if we're posting our lives on the web for everyone to see.

Personally, I find ordinary people way more fascinating than celebrities. I mean, I'll go to Gawker and stuff, probably more often than the next person, but reading about where Lindsay Lohan partied last night doesn't give me the same frisson of excitement that discovering in some random dude's blog that his favorite quote from a movie ever is the same as mine, or that the girl who writes She Just Walks Around With It has the same pair of sneakers that I do (only in a different color). I suppose this is because most days, I feel like the biggest fucking dork on the planet; I feel like no one I spend my day with (mainly coworkers, but sometimes family and friends) likes any of the same things I like or has any of the same opinions I do or has any of the same interests that I do. And so it's nice to know that I'm not THE biggest dork, but only one of many big dorks.

Some of the best things I've read about in random blogs lately:

1). Small-town Alberta teenagers cruising the highway over to the next town to pick a rumble with some kids over there that they don't get along with. (For some reason, there are a LOT of Canadians on Blogger.)

2). There's a woman who writes about the 100 reasons why she hates her husband. I think initially it was supposed to be kind of funny and maybe even tongue-in-cheek, but now it's gotten depressing. Depressing, but fascinating just the same.

3). I love photo bloggers! My favorite is this guy up in northern Ontario who keeps posting all these photos from an Inuit school project. (Again with the Canadians!)

4). There's this other guy who likes to post his responses to surveys similar to the stupid ones people fill their MySpace pages with, but these surveys are extra complicated, asking questions like "Steve McQueen or Marlon Brando?" And then he always throws in a paragraph's worth of explanation for his answer.

5). The guy who writes about which of his American friends he had dinner with that night. I'm not even sure where he's from -- he writes in English, but seems to be from Europe.

I'm always saddened, though, by the ones that are just like the shitty, pointless diaries we all kept in third grade. "Woke up, went to work, had a salad for dinner, talked the phone." Why does this need to be immortalized on the internet? I wouldn't even immortalize such things in my HEAD.

Lifetime Television for... um, whom?

In my family, we like to mock my older sister for watching far too many Lifetime Original movies. When she is not watching Lifetime, she is either out back smoking a cigarette, or watching The Hills and Laguna Beach on MTV. She is 38 years old, and agoraphobic (this is the diagnosis agreed upon by me, and by my aunt, who is a Canadian nurse, which gives the diagnosis some degree of professional cred). My sister is usually good-natured about the ribbing we give her. She knows the movies suck.

Lately, for some reason, my mother has also taken to watching Lifetime Original movies. And I've noticed that they all have the same characters and plot.

1. Nice woman with a sort of clueless husband and one or two children.

2. Crazy ass pyscho woman who is either a neighbor, or the nice woman's best friend.

3. Children, usually good and well-behaved, of the nice woman. These children will be eventually framed by Crazy Ass Psycho for bad behavior and somehow exonerated in the end.

4. Uninvolved, weak, stupid men.

The nice woman's very existence and life pisses off Crazy Ass Psycho, who then does everything in her power to dismantle this life, and kills a few people and family pets in the process. Eventually, someone -- usually one of the nice children -- cottons on to Crazy Ass Psycho's psychosis, and the police show up, and the two women fight, near to the death, and the nice woman wins.

Lifetime fancies itself "television for women."

Now, I ask you: is this entertaining? My mother and my sister will both tell you it's ludicrous and stupid, yet they can't turn away... similar to viewing a car accident on the interstate. I mean, I find this so bizarre. If something sucks, I change the channel. I find it hard to believe that this is the channel that caters to any sort of majority of women. I suspect CBS caters to more women than Lifetime.

I just don't get it.

Yeah, it's still me, and no, my LiveJournal doesn't diss you.

I just had to make a change. Preferably a change to something pink and girly. I was so over the navy blue with polka dots backdrop; everyone on Blogger uses that one, or the white version. And I don't care if you don't like my pink and girly blog template; my research shows that no one reads this anyway...

I suspect that there are select people out there who are not privy to my LiveJournal who believe that I use it to diss them. That is not necessarily the case, so stop being so narcissistic. I use my LiveJournal to have girl talk with my girls when they are not around to chat with. If you don't know what girl talk can involve, it's best you steer clear.

And, no, Evil Rob -- you still don't get to read it. Ever. It's just far too incriminating.

Bumper Stickers Are Stupid

Here's the thing about bumper stickers: they annoy people. That's all they do. Your bumper sticker even annoys the guy in the car behind you, who has 10 bumper stickers of his own. And have we sunk to such lows of rudeness in our society that we have to go out of our way to annoy one another? I mean, we all seem to be pretty capable of annoying each other just by the way we drive and the way we're so rude in line at the local Safeway and the way we slam doors in each other's faces as we're entering buildings... Do we really need to SHOP for annoying and then stick it on our cars?

Herewith, some of my favorite annoying stickers of the last week:

1). "Did the zebras paint the stripes on themselves?" This superimposed in bubble letters over a bunch of shiny zebras and crosses. It was, first of all, an ugly ass sticker. It reminded me of those heinous Lisa Frank metallic stickers we used to collect when we were in the 5th grade -- you know, totally covering every inch of our Trapper Keeper binders? So, a hideous eyesore to begin with. And then the ridiculous "in joke" of all the Creationists out there. "Ooh, if there's no God, how'd the zebras get their stripes?" I mean, is this the best argument you've got for Creation? Wow. And what's awesome and compelling about it can be distilled down to one small oval bumper sticker. That's amazing.

2). "Live well. Be happy. Annoy a liberal." Psssst, Conservatives! We're not the ones who are annoyed all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3). "W: Still President." I'm pretty sure this was on the bumper of a W supporter's car, but here's the thing: when you emphasize the still like that, it makes it sound like you think he's been president for an eternity. So it kind of defeats its own purpose. Other than to annoy everyone else on the road.

4). "If God's not a Broncos fan, why are sunsets orange?" Please.

5). "Av-aholic." Yeah, I know, even friends of mine have this sticker on their cars, expressing their fandom for the Colorado Avalanche. But why do we have to let complete strangers in traffic know what sports teams we support?

6). "Practice random acts of kindness and senseless beauty." Um, what, you stupid hippy?

7). "God loves the whole world. No exceptions." Oh really? I can think of a fair few.

8). "My dog/cat/parrot is smarter than your honor student." What?? Who cares? Are you so threatened by someone's honor student that you were compelled to buy this sticker?

9). "Hang up and drive." Inevitably on a vehicle being driven by some fucking jackass yammering away on a cell phone. Indeed.

10). "Visualize using your turn signal." This was originally a slam against freewheeling hippies with a "Visualize world peace" sticker on their cars. Apparently only hippies don't use turn signals. My research tells me the turn signal problem is more widespread than that, but what do I know? After all, I'm the chick who thinks bumper stickers are stupid.

11). "Don't blame me, I voted for Kerry." Christ, if that's the best comeback we've got, no wonder we can't win a damn election.

And then, don't you find yourself reacting to the annoying bumper stickers by countering them in your head with a bumper sticker you'd like to get? Yeah, fuck the Broncos, man, I'm gonna get a sticker that says "If the Devil's not a Raiders fan, why do they wear black?" (Weak, I know. I can't make up slogans to save my life.)

Sure, every now and then I see a bumper sticker I find funny. Slower minds keep right. That's a good one. And I wouldn't mind having selected quotes from Kevin Smith movies on a series of bumper stickers. But I doubt I would stick them on my car. I wouldn't want to anger people, thus setting up my car to be the target of some psycho who thinks bumper stickers are annoying and decides to retaliate against my sentiments by keying my car or hitting me in a parking lot or just kicking in a panel or two.

Not that someone would be driven to that.