I've Got Nothing, So Let's Talk About VH-1!

I feel like all I do is rant all day and say wacky things to my coworkers, and have witty conversations on Facebook, and then I have nothing left for my blog. It's so depressing. Remember when I used to be funny? And kind of interesting?

Oh.

Well, last night began a new season of Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew on VH-1. I was addicted to that show last time, so naturally I tuned in. And I spent half the show in tears because some of the "celebrities" had such sad, sad stories. Like Steven Adler, the original drummer for Guns'n'Roses -- he started using drugs when he was only 11 years old, when his stepfather kicked him out of the house (actually, he made Steven's mom choose between him or Steven, and she chose the stepfather). 11 years old! With no home! 11 years old is only 4 years older than Daniel is right now. Daniel is a little kid. An 11 year old is a big kid, but still a kid. Not even out of elementary school. And this man just packed his stuff and dumped it on the sidewalk in front of the house for him to find when he got home from school.

And then there's this model on there named Amber Smith who looks really familiar and looks remarkably good considering she's been an addict for 16 years straight. Her mother got her hooked on drugs, and then told her she was being selfish for going to rehab to try and get better. Nice! Why are these people allowed to breed?? There's also Tawny Kitaen; a son of Rod Stewart; some girl who came in third the first season of American Idol; Jeff Conaway (back for more fun and hyjinks!); a very delusional Gary Busey; and Rodney King, of Rodney King beating fame. Also another tale that made me cry.

I dunno -- there are naysayers about this show, who say it just exploits these people for my entertainment, but I disagree. I think it helps them, and it can certainly help people watching. It's quite a cautionary tale. There's nothing glamorous about any of it.

Sad to say, the other shows I'm watching on VH-1 right now are The Pickup Artist 2, and Charm School: Rock of Love, starring my hero from season 2 of Rock of Love, Megan. Megan rules. One of the best lines on this show thus far was one of the contestants saying, "Don't be bitching about someone's fake boobs, we all have fake boobs in this house!" Dude, truer words have never been spoken. Anywhere. Charm School: Rock of Love is hilarious. I think it's supposed to be hilarious, which is good, because if it weren't, I would be frightened for the state of mind of the producers. The only person taking it seriously is the always-toolish Riki Rachtman, about the most irrelevant person in all of humankind. At one point in the second episode, he looked briefly humiliated at being there, as though he had only just realized that he actually signed up to be on a show where he was going to have to regularly referee nonsensical arguments between women who once vied for the affections of Bret Michaels on national television. And upon that realization, a very dark cloud passed over his face, and he went, "Whatever, I'm not going to argue with you about this," and then pouted when Sharon Osbourne didn't give his opinions any cred. It was awesome, because Riki Rachtman is a burnout and a tool. No one has ever given a shit about Riki Rachtman, and yet the dude has been sauntering about for years acting like he's some giant rock star. Sorry, Riki, but no.

One totally loses brain cells watching this show, but at the same time, it's really, really funny in a way the below-average sitcoms of network television are not.

I still have my concerns about The Pickup Artist, or mainly the man they call the Pickup Artist, Mystery. Mystery seems a little toolish, and I find it hard to believe he has such game. Maybe it doesn't translate over the television. Like, I can totally see the sense in the stuff that he tells the contestants, and see why those things work when you put them into action. But he still seems so nerdy, even behind the carefully constructed facade. And why do you have to be called "Mystery?" Why can't you just be Mike or Scott or Chuck or Dennis or whatever?

By the same token, I can totally see why his wing gets an awesome nickname like Matador. Matador is some sexy shit, and he doesn't even need game. He can just walk in looking like he does and it's all over. In fact, the women he flirted with in the first episode of this season were way beneath him.

And this season Mystery is using a female wing as a series regular rather than the blonde dude from the first season. Her name is Tara and she has great bangs. She seems like a really nice person, and yet is still a full on hottie. Just what the contestants need. A hot chick who's nice to them.

So that's three really entertaining shows per week on VH-1, plus The Best Week Ever on the weekends. And pretty soon I think there might be another season of Scott Baio. I can only hope!

Will Post Soon...

I'm sure there are a handful of you out there who really want to see wedding photos and hear all about it, and I promise that I will get to that this weekend. We didn't have our own cameras at the wedding and are at the mercy of all our slacker friends to email us photos from their cameras. Or send us a disc. Or something.

(I know you people took pictures! I saw you!)

So... be back soon. With a real post!