Sunday, September 10, 2006
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Blogeurism
That's my new word. It's a combination of "blogging" and "voyeurism." Because it occurred to me this morning, as I was perusing random blogs and in some cases delving in deeply to the lives of people I don't even know, that this is merely voyeurism, except that I guess we're all sort of asking for it, if we're posting our lives on the web for everyone to see.
Personally, I find ordinary people way more fascinating than celebrities. I mean, I'll go to Gawker and stuff, probably more often than the next person, but reading about where Lindsay Lohan partied last night doesn't give me the same frisson of excitement that discovering in some random dude's blog that his favorite quote from a movie ever is the same as mine, or that the girl who writes She Just Walks Around With It has the same pair of sneakers that I do (only in a different color). I suppose this is because most days, I feel like the biggest fucking dork on the planet; I feel like no one I spend my day with (mainly coworkers, but sometimes family and friends) likes any of the same things I like or has any of the same opinions I do or has any of the same interests that I do. And so it's nice to know that I'm not THE biggest dork, but only one of many big dorks.
Some of the best things I've read about in random blogs lately:
1). Small-town Alberta teenagers cruising the highway over to the next town to pick a rumble with some kids over there that they don't get along with. (For some reason, there are a LOT of Canadians on Blogger.)
2). There's a woman who writes about the 100 reasons why she hates her husband. I think initially it was supposed to be kind of funny and maybe even tongue-in-cheek, but now it's gotten depressing. Depressing, but fascinating just the same.
3). I love photo bloggers! My favorite is this guy up in northern Ontario who keeps posting all these photos from an Inuit school project. (Again with the Canadians!)
4). There's this other guy who likes to post his responses to surveys similar to the stupid ones people fill their MySpace pages with, but these surveys are extra complicated, asking questions like "Steve McQueen or Marlon Brando?" And then he always throws in a paragraph's worth of explanation for his answer.
5). The guy who writes about which of his American friends he had dinner with that night. I'm not even sure where he's from -- he writes in English, but seems to be from Europe.
I'm always saddened, though, by the ones that are just like the shitty, pointless diaries we all kept in third grade. "Woke up, went to work, had a salad for dinner, talked the phone." Why does this need to be immortalized on the internet? I wouldn't even immortalize such things in my HEAD.
Personally, I find ordinary people way more fascinating than celebrities. I mean, I'll go to Gawker and stuff, probably more often than the next person, but reading about where Lindsay Lohan partied last night doesn't give me the same frisson of excitement that discovering in some random dude's blog that his favorite quote from a movie ever is the same as mine, or that the girl who writes She Just Walks Around With It has the same pair of sneakers that I do (only in a different color). I suppose this is because most days, I feel like the biggest fucking dork on the planet; I feel like no one I spend my day with (mainly coworkers, but sometimes family and friends) likes any of the same things I like or has any of the same opinions I do or has any of the same interests that I do. And so it's nice to know that I'm not THE biggest dork, but only one of many big dorks.
Some of the best things I've read about in random blogs lately:
1). Small-town Alberta teenagers cruising the highway over to the next town to pick a rumble with some kids over there that they don't get along with. (For some reason, there are a LOT of Canadians on Blogger.)
2). There's a woman who writes about the 100 reasons why she hates her husband. I think initially it was supposed to be kind of funny and maybe even tongue-in-cheek, but now it's gotten depressing. Depressing, but fascinating just the same.
3). I love photo bloggers! My favorite is this guy up in northern Ontario who keeps posting all these photos from an Inuit school project. (Again with the Canadians!)
4). There's this other guy who likes to post his responses to surveys similar to the stupid ones people fill their MySpace pages with, but these surveys are extra complicated, asking questions like "Steve McQueen or Marlon Brando?" And then he always throws in a paragraph's worth of explanation for his answer.
5). The guy who writes about which of his American friends he had dinner with that night. I'm not even sure where he's from -- he writes in English, but seems to be from Europe.
I'm always saddened, though, by the ones that are just like the shitty, pointless diaries we all kept in third grade. "Woke up, went to work, had a salad for dinner, talked the phone." Why does this need to be immortalized on the internet? I wouldn't even immortalize such things in my HEAD.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Lifetime Television for... um, whom?
In my family, we like to mock my older sister for watching far too many Lifetime Original movies. When she is not watching Lifetime, she is either out back smoking a cigarette, or watching The Hills and Laguna Beach on MTV. She is 38 years old, and agoraphobic (this is the diagnosis agreed upon by me, and by my aunt, who is a Canadian nurse, which gives the diagnosis some degree of professional cred). My sister is usually good-natured about the ribbing we give her. She knows the movies suck.
Lately, for some reason, my mother has also taken to watching Lifetime Original movies. And I've noticed that they all have the same characters and plot.
1. Nice woman with a sort of clueless husband and one or two children.
2. Crazy ass pyscho woman who is either a neighbor, or the nice woman's best friend.
3. Children, usually good and well-behaved, of the nice woman. These children will be eventually framed by Crazy Ass Psycho for bad behavior and somehow exonerated in the end.
4. Uninvolved, weak, stupid men.
The nice woman's very existence and life pisses off Crazy Ass Psycho, who then does everything in her power to dismantle this life, and kills a few people and family pets in the process. Eventually, someone -- usually one of the nice children -- cottons on to Crazy Ass Psycho's psychosis, and the police show up, and the two women fight, near to the death, and the nice woman wins.
Lifetime fancies itself "television for women."
Now, I ask you: is this entertaining? My mother and my sister will both tell you it's ludicrous and stupid, yet they can't turn away... similar to viewing a car accident on the interstate. I mean, I find this so bizarre. If something sucks, I change the channel. I find it hard to believe that this is the channel that caters to any sort of majority of women. I suspect CBS caters to more women than Lifetime.
I just don't get it.
Lately, for some reason, my mother has also taken to watching Lifetime Original movies. And I've noticed that they all have the same characters and plot.
1. Nice woman with a sort of clueless husband and one or two children.
2. Crazy ass pyscho woman who is either a neighbor, or the nice woman's best friend.
3. Children, usually good and well-behaved, of the nice woman. These children will be eventually framed by Crazy Ass Psycho for bad behavior and somehow exonerated in the end.
4. Uninvolved, weak, stupid men.
The nice woman's very existence and life pisses off Crazy Ass Psycho, who then does everything in her power to dismantle this life, and kills a few people and family pets in the process. Eventually, someone -- usually one of the nice children -- cottons on to Crazy Ass Psycho's psychosis, and the police show up, and the two women fight, near to the death, and the nice woman wins.
Lifetime fancies itself "television for women."
Now, I ask you: is this entertaining? My mother and my sister will both tell you it's ludicrous and stupid, yet they can't turn away... similar to viewing a car accident on the interstate. I mean, I find this so bizarre. If something sucks, I change the channel. I find it hard to believe that this is the channel that caters to any sort of majority of women. I suspect CBS caters to more women than Lifetime.
I just don't get it.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Yeah, it's still me, and no, my LiveJournal doesn't diss you.
I just had to make a change. Preferably a change to something pink and girly. I was so over the navy blue with polka dots backdrop; everyone on Blogger uses that one, or the white version. And I don't care if you don't like my pink and girly blog template; my research shows that no one reads this anyway...
I suspect that there are select people out there who are not privy to my LiveJournal who believe that I use it to diss them. That is not necessarily the case, so stop being so narcissistic. I use my LiveJournal to have girl talk with my girls when they are not around to chat with. If you don't know what girl talk can involve, it's best you steer clear.
And, no, Evil Rob -- you still don't get to read it. Ever. It's just far too incriminating.
I suspect that there are select people out there who are not privy to my LiveJournal who believe that I use it to diss them. That is not necessarily the case, so stop being so narcissistic. I use my LiveJournal to have girl talk with my girls when they are not around to chat with. If you don't know what girl talk can involve, it's best you steer clear.
And, no, Evil Rob -- you still don't get to read it. Ever. It's just far too incriminating.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Bumper Stickers Are Stupid
Here's the thing about bumper stickers: they annoy people. That's all they do. Your bumper sticker even annoys the guy in the car behind you, who has 10 bumper stickers of his own. And have we sunk to such lows of rudeness in our society that we have to go out of our way to annoy one another? I mean, we all seem to be pretty capable of annoying each other just by the way we drive and the way we're so rude in line at the local Safeway and the way we slam doors in each other's faces as we're entering buildings... Do we really need to SHOP for annoying and then stick it on our cars?
Herewith, some of my favorite annoying stickers of the last week:
1). "Did the zebras paint the stripes on themselves?" This superimposed in bubble letters over a bunch of shiny zebras and crosses. It was, first of all, an ugly ass sticker. It reminded me of those heinous Lisa Frank metallic stickers we used to collect when we were in the 5th grade -- you know, totally covering every inch of our Trapper Keeper binders? So, a hideous eyesore to begin with. And then the ridiculous "in joke" of all the Creationists out there. "Ooh, if there's no God, how'd the zebras get their stripes?" I mean, is this the best argument you've got for Creation? Wow. And what's awesome and compelling about it can be distilled down to one small oval bumper sticker. That's amazing.
2). "Live well. Be happy. Annoy a liberal." Psssst, Conservatives! We're not the ones who are annoyed all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3). "W: Still President." I'm pretty sure this was on the bumper of a W supporter's car, but here's the thing: when you emphasize the still like that, it makes it sound like you think he's been president for an eternity. So it kind of defeats its own purpose. Other than to annoy everyone else on the road.
4). "If God's not a Broncos fan, why are sunsets orange?" Please.
5). "Av-aholic." Yeah, I know, even friends of mine have this sticker on their cars, expressing their fandom for the Colorado Avalanche. But why do we have to let complete strangers in traffic know what sports teams we support?
6). "Practice random acts of kindness and senseless beauty." Um, what, you stupid hippy?
7). "God loves the whole world. No exceptions." Oh really? I can think of a fair few.
8). "My dog/cat/parrot is smarter than your honor student." What?? Who cares? Are you so threatened by someone's honor student that you were compelled to buy this sticker?
9). "Hang up and drive." Inevitably on a vehicle being driven by some fucking jackass yammering away on a cell phone. Indeed.
10). "Visualize using your turn signal." This was originally a slam against freewheeling hippies with a "Visualize world peace" sticker on their cars. Apparently only hippies don't use turn signals. My research tells me the turn signal problem is more widespread than that, but what do I know? After all, I'm the chick who thinks bumper stickers are stupid.
11). "Don't blame me, I voted for Kerry." Christ, if that's the best comeback we've got, no wonder we can't win a damn election.
And then, don't you find yourself reacting to the annoying bumper stickers by countering them in your head with a bumper sticker you'd like to get? Yeah, fuck the Broncos, man, I'm gonna get a sticker that says "If the Devil's not a Raiders fan, why do they wear black?" (Weak, I know. I can't make up slogans to save my life.)
Sure, every now and then I see a bumper sticker I find funny. Slower minds keep right. That's a good one. And I wouldn't mind having selected quotes from Kevin Smith movies on a series of bumper stickers. But I doubt I would stick them on my car. I wouldn't want to anger people, thus setting up my car to be the target of some psycho who thinks bumper stickers are annoying and decides to retaliate against my sentiments by keying my car or hitting me in a parking lot or just kicking in a panel or two.
Not that someone would be driven to that.
Herewith, some of my favorite annoying stickers of the last week:
1). "Did the zebras paint the stripes on themselves?" This superimposed in bubble letters over a bunch of shiny zebras and crosses. It was, first of all, an ugly ass sticker. It reminded me of those heinous Lisa Frank metallic stickers we used to collect when we were in the 5th grade -- you know, totally covering every inch of our Trapper Keeper binders? So, a hideous eyesore to begin with. And then the ridiculous "in joke" of all the Creationists out there. "Ooh, if there's no God, how'd the zebras get their stripes?" I mean, is this the best argument you've got for Creation? Wow. And what's awesome and compelling about it can be distilled down to one small oval bumper sticker. That's amazing.
2). "Live well. Be happy. Annoy a liberal." Psssst, Conservatives! We're not the ones who are annoyed all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3). "W: Still President." I'm pretty sure this was on the bumper of a W supporter's car, but here's the thing: when you emphasize the still like that, it makes it sound like you think he's been president for an eternity. So it kind of defeats its own purpose. Other than to annoy everyone else on the road.
4). "If God's not a Broncos fan, why are sunsets orange?" Please.
5). "Av-aholic." Yeah, I know, even friends of mine have this sticker on their cars, expressing their fandom for the Colorado Avalanche. But why do we have to let complete strangers in traffic know what sports teams we support?
6). "Practice random acts of kindness and senseless beauty." Um, what, you stupid hippy?
7). "God loves the whole world. No exceptions." Oh really? I can think of a fair few.
8). "My dog/cat/parrot is smarter than your honor student." What?? Who cares? Are you so threatened by someone's honor student that you were compelled to buy this sticker?
9). "Hang up and drive." Inevitably on a vehicle being driven by some fucking jackass yammering away on a cell phone. Indeed.
10). "Visualize using your turn signal." This was originally a slam against freewheeling hippies with a "Visualize world peace" sticker on their cars. Apparently only hippies don't use turn signals. My research tells me the turn signal problem is more widespread than that, but what do I know? After all, I'm the chick who thinks bumper stickers are stupid.
11). "Don't blame me, I voted for Kerry." Christ, if that's the best comeback we've got, no wonder we can't win a damn election.
And then, don't you find yourself reacting to the annoying bumper stickers by countering them in your head with a bumper sticker you'd like to get? Yeah, fuck the Broncos, man, I'm gonna get a sticker that says "If the Devil's not a Raiders fan, why do they wear black?" (Weak, I know. I can't make up slogans to save my life.)
Sure, every now and then I see a bumper sticker I find funny. Slower minds keep right. That's a good one. And I wouldn't mind having selected quotes from Kevin Smith movies on a series of bumper stickers. But I doubt I would stick them on my car. I wouldn't want to anger people, thus setting up my car to be the target of some psycho who thinks bumper stickers are annoying and decides to retaliate against my sentiments by keying my car or hitting me in a parking lot or just kicking in a panel or two.
Not that someone would be driven to that.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Daniel's Head: Not So Deformed After All
Well, no, I don't actually have photographic proof of this yet or anything. But I did take Daniel for a haircut on Monday night and let the lady clipper it to within a half inch of its life, and it looks really good! I don't think his head is as deformed as I thought it was. Maybe it's rounded off in places as he's grown? I don't know how skull-formation works. But I am truly pleased to know that we can do crew-cuts without any major issues, and that the whole Halloween costume in the works will be fine (it involves shaving his head completely, which he is totally excited about and would rather do right now than wait till October).
For posterity, the photo that I already emailed to most of you is above. I cannot wait to do a scrapbook page about this one. About The Look. It kills me -- kills me -- that he is only 5 and can achieve this expression while wearing sunglasses. I wonder if the personality would translate to the big screen? Maybe I should become one of those parents who push their kids into show business just to make money off them.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Brazen Daytime Violence
You have to love a headline like that one: Brazen Daytime Violence. It just says nearly everything it needs to say, doesn't it? You don't get the why or the where, but you do get what, when, and how. What: violence. When: daytime. How: brazenly.
I'll give you props right here in my blog in the form of an entry totally about you if you can guess what that headline had to do with.
From now on, I think I might just seek out a catchy headline and use it as my blog title on that day. The headline will likely never have a damn thing to do with whatever I'm writing about it, but it will amuse me.
For those of you who don't know, I bought an iDog over the weekend. I saw this little electronic creature in a magazine and absolutely had to have one, especially once I found out they come in pink. Oddly, I wound up purchasing a black one, which matches my iPod better than pink would have; my iPod has a red click wheel, and it would clash with a pink dog. Can't have that, can we? I do adore my iDog. Daniel has named it Lizzie. I got her a pink sweater set for the office; it's often pretty chilly in here, especially in summer. So far, she doesn't seem to be bothering anyone at work, so hopefully I can keep her here. She's so much better than a real pet. She doesn't poop or anything.
I know, I'm a huge dork.
I'll give you props right here in my blog in the form of an entry totally about you if you can guess what that headline had to do with.
From now on, I think I might just seek out a catchy headline and use it as my blog title on that day. The headline will likely never have a damn thing to do with whatever I'm writing about it, but it will amuse me.
For those of you who don't know, I bought an iDog over the weekend. I saw this little electronic creature in a magazine and absolutely had to have one, especially once I found out they come in pink. Oddly, I wound up purchasing a black one, which matches my iPod better than pink would have; my iPod has a red click wheel, and it would clash with a pink dog. Can't have that, can we? I do adore my iDog. Daniel has named it Lizzie. I got her a pink sweater set for the office; it's often pretty chilly in here, especially in summer. So far, she doesn't seem to be bothering anyone at work, so hopefully I can keep her here. She's so much better than a real pet. She doesn't poop or anything.
I know, I'm a huge dork.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Mini Road Trip
So yesterday my new boyfriend (Evil Rob) and I went on a little mini road trip, just for something to do. We drove up into the mountains and into Minturn and then up over Tennessee Pass. The weather in the mountains was kind of cold and weird -- sunny spots one minute and storm clouds the next.
I took these pictures in an attempt to improve my scenic photography abilities. I have no idea where this place is, exactly, but the mountain in the background is called Mt. Massive. Yep, Mt. Massive. No joke. Anyway, I think these look pretty good, given my history of sucking at photographing scenery. I love the contrast between the grey sky and the uber-green grass. And the cows are pretty cool too. Better than llamas, I'm told. None of the cows bit me, at any rate.
So in general, road tripping with Evil Rob was pretty fun. He didn't mind stopping every five minutes for me to get and take pictures, and he totally didn't mind the fact that I'll sit in the car and drink like 19 diet Pepsis and then ask him to stop someplace so I can pee. Evil Rob and I will never have music-listening issues in the car because we both bring to the table the most kick ass taste in music imaginable. I mean, I think he might draw the line at being forced to listen to the Rent soundtrack on a long drive, but one never knows. I will obviously try this one out at some point and get back to you all with the results.
Also, when he sings along to Coldplay, he sounds really good.
So I'm sitting at work. There are 9 of us here out of a possible 23. I believe we are one of maybe 4 offices in the entire building open today. I've had one phone call but it was from Dustin so it doesn't count since he only called from across the office. I bet it's totally worth it for us to be open today.
But at least there was no traffic on the way in!! Woot!
I took these pictures in an attempt to improve my scenic photography abilities. I have no idea where this place is, exactly, but the mountain in the background is called Mt. Massive. Yep, Mt. Massive. No joke. Anyway, I think these look pretty good, given my history of sucking at photographing scenery. I love the contrast between the grey sky and the uber-green grass. And the cows are pretty cool too. Better than llamas, I'm told. None of the cows bit me, at any rate.
So in general, road tripping with Evil Rob was pretty fun. He didn't mind stopping every five minutes for me to get and take pictures, and he totally didn't mind the fact that I'll sit in the car and drink like 19 diet Pepsis and then ask him to stop someplace so I can pee. Evil Rob and I will never have music-listening issues in the car because we both bring to the table the most kick ass taste in music imaginable. I mean, I think he might draw the line at being forced to listen to the Rent soundtrack on a long drive, but one never knows. I will obviously try this one out at some point and get back to you all with the results.
Also, when he sings along to Coldplay, he sounds really good.
So I'm sitting at work. There are 9 of us here out of a possible 23. I believe we are one of maybe 4 offices in the entire building open today. I've had one phone call but it was from Dustin so it doesn't count since he only called from across the office. I bet it's totally worth it for us to be open today.
But at least there was no traffic on the way in!! Woot!
Thursday, June 29, 2006
More Ren Fest
Pooker and his band of merry men.
Pooker meets the King and Queen.(Erm, that's elephant poop on the right. Yeah.)
Pooker and his new dragon baby, who has been dubbedMost Powerful Dragon.
Ren Fest 2006
So it's that time of year again -- summer, and therefore, the Renaissance Festival.
Here's Daniel with the Captain Jack Sparrow pirate guy.
Here's me feeding a llama, just to piss Ashley off. Word up, Ashley! Plus, it bit me. So that's what I get.
He's lucky the pics still turn out well when he won't sweetly smile at the camera, or I'd find a way to MAKE him smile, dagnabbit!
My valiant son in shining armor.
Evil Rob
I have no idea why he calls himself Evil Rob. Does he look evil? I don't think so.But whatever. I like him, despite the goofy nickname. Anyway, isn't that what
guys live for? Giving one another goofy nicknames? So there you go.
Clark Kent? Hello!!!!!
Monday, June 05, 2006
"There's really no good reason for a dead body to be there."
Ahh, there's really nothing like a massive understatement to get a police investigation off to a good start.
So, imagine you're hiking in Boulder Canyon, making your way along the river up there, and you stumble upon... a decomposing dead body. That's apparently what happened today to some hikers. So this was on the news, naturally, and when they interviewed the sheriff in charge, he says, "We suspect foul play, obviously. There's really no good reason for a dead body to be there."
Really! No good reason! That's what he said.
And if you know me, you know my mind immediately takes that statement, and attempts to refute it. I mean, I can think of loads of reasons why a dead body might be there, in that particular area. Mountain lions abound! And during the news footage, there was this massive brown bear on patrol just across the river from where this operation was taking place -- on the same side of the river where the body was found. Hmm, is it not possible that this same bear got pissed off at this human and fought it to the death? I mean, these things do happen. I think they just don't want to scare people, so they're downplaying the possibility that a demonic bear might have offed a hiker.
No, really, I know and you know that there is very probably no good reason for a dead body to be where this one was found. I just find it interesting that this sheriff felt a need to point that out to us. On further reflection, one assumes he was pressed by the interviewing reporters at the scene and taken in context, in response to a stupid question like, "Do you suspect foul play?" from some idiot with a microphone, he probably got all sarcastic and said, "Obviously we suspect foul play. There's really no good reason for a dead body to be there." And left the "you halfwit" unspoken, because the viewing public pays his salary out of their taxpayer dollars and in some jurisdictions might even vote him into his job, and you can't be calling a reporter a halfwit on television, even if the reporter is a halfwit.
Which, let's face it, he or she probably is.
That is all.
So, imagine you're hiking in Boulder Canyon, making your way along the river up there, and you stumble upon... a decomposing dead body. That's apparently what happened today to some hikers. So this was on the news, naturally, and when they interviewed the sheriff in charge, he says, "We suspect foul play, obviously. There's really no good reason for a dead body to be there."
Really! No good reason! That's what he said.
And if you know me, you know my mind immediately takes that statement, and attempts to refute it. I mean, I can think of loads of reasons why a dead body might be there, in that particular area. Mountain lions abound! And during the news footage, there was this massive brown bear on patrol just across the river from where this operation was taking place -- on the same side of the river where the body was found. Hmm, is it not possible that this same bear got pissed off at this human and fought it to the death? I mean, these things do happen. I think they just don't want to scare people, so they're downplaying the possibility that a demonic bear might have offed a hiker.
No, really, I know and you know that there is very probably no good reason for a dead body to be where this one was found. I just find it interesting that this sheriff felt a need to point that out to us. On further reflection, one assumes he was pressed by the interviewing reporters at the scene and taken in context, in response to a stupid question like, "Do you suspect foul play?" from some idiot with a microphone, he probably got all sarcastic and said, "Obviously we suspect foul play. There's really no good reason for a dead body to be there." And left the "you halfwit" unspoken, because the viewing public pays his salary out of their taxpayer dollars and in some jurisdictions might even vote him into his job, and you can't be calling a reporter a halfwit on television, even if the reporter is a halfwit.
Which, let's face it, he or she probably is.
That is all.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Defending Britney
I don't care for Britney Spears. It's no big secret that I think she's just a pretty girl who had a smidge -- a very small smidge -- of performing talent who got seen by the right people at the right time and had the appropriately pushy stage mother to convince her that she wanted the fame, too. And the package was sold to the preteens of the nation and lo and behold we had ourselves a superstar. We can hardly complain, I think, when we're the ones who buy into the crap -- even if we just purchased the cds and posters for our children. We could have just said "No" and moved on, told our kids to listen to U2 instead, but instead we encouraged them to feed on the frenzy that was Britney. So Britney is what we all made her.
Indeed, there are a great many of my female contemporaries who even went through a bit of a phase circa 2002 when it was a kinf of subversive pleasure to listen to Britney Spears and watch Crossroads and sing along to "Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman" (you know it's on my iPod!) and follow her relationship with Justin Timberlake (another guilty pleasure) in the tabloids. And even the song "Toxic" was always more popular among young adults and gay men than it was with the preteen and teen crowds (in fact I've never actually met a high schooler who will admit to liking Britney).
And it shouldn't have come as a big surprise that Britney eventually turned 20, and then 21, and was therefore no longer a teen pop star but basically, officially, a woman. So I have to wonder -- why is it that the rest of us get to start acting like women somewhere around the age of 21, maybe 22, when we graduate from college, but Britney was demonized for it? Sure, she looked a bit sluttier than most of us, but have you ever been to a night club on a Saturday night? Her entire life was a night club -- surely she was entitled to dress like a ho now and again.
One has to assume that the life of a superstar is pretty fucked up. Body guards around all the time, people doing your hair, your clothes, your schedule, everything -- you just go along with the flow of it all and try to say and do all the things you know you're supposed to say and do. It's nothing like real life, where we go to work, drive our own car through rush hour traffic, sit around and watch tv or maybe go out with friends once or twice a week, eventually meet someone and maybe get married, and then start a family. And through it all, no one wants to take pictures of us except our family, and no one wants to interview us and get our opinion on random world events or on other people or whatever. No one makes money off of us in this way, so we don't get bombarded as we exit the local 7-11 following a Super Big Gulp run, and no one follows us into Foley's so they can detail our clothing purchases for next week's issue of Star magazine. No one chases us down a highway as we're driving our children to school or soccer or wherever it is we drive them, telephoto lenses hanging out the windows trying to get shots of us and our spawn. It's jacked up.
So it's not hard to understand why Britney latched on to the first man to feed her a line about wanting to spend his life with her and have a family with her. I'd be willing to place money on Britney wanting to be a better mother than her own, not pushing her kids into show business -- even if it's just a subconscious wish. Yeah, Kevin Federline's a loser with a shitty track record, and Brit's let herself go. I suspect it's our displeasure with our own meager existences that make us so judgemental about her taste in husbands and her bad hair days and puffy complexion -- we can't have our icons looking just like us.
Which brings me to Britney's parenting skills. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that they are as good as any other first time parent. Who among us didn't have an incident with our infant in which we either dropped it or hurt it in some way, totally unintentionally? In Daniel's first two weeks of life, I practically cut off one of his fingers trying to trim his insane fingernails (I do exaggerate, but there was a lot of blood involved); and I also bashed him in the top of his head with my elbow when I had laid him on the bed next to me after a feeding. On another occasion, when he was about 6 months old, I made an unfortunate shoe choice -- platform slide on clogs -- and as I carried Daniel out to the car in the garage that morning, I lost my footing going down the little staircase and totally bit it, with him in my arms. Luckily I had the presence of mind to turn myself as I fell so that I didn't fall on top of him, and I held onto him for dear life so he wouldn't crash to the floor. But yes, I stumbled and fell, dead sober, with him in my arms.
My own parents had an incident with a restaurant high chair in which my younger sister slid down and nearly got choked by the seatbelt. My own best friend had her young infant roll herself off the top of a king size bed when she'd turned her back for a couple of minutes. And I can count on one hand the number of parents I know (including me) who bother to take the time to have their car seats properly and safely installed, let alone keep their infants riding rear-facing until they're a full year old. I know I was tempted to turn Daniel around when he passed the 20 pound mark at 8 months old because the larger car seat just fit in the car better forward-facing -- the only thing that stopped me was the fact that my own parents are trained car seat installers who would never have allowed such a thing.
I would hazard a guess that a first time parent's nerves are magnified a hundred-fold when her every move is scrutinized by paparazzi and an insatiable American public. If it were me, the whole thing would make me clumsier, even panicky. I would probably freak out if being chased with my kid in my arms and jump into my car for a quick getaway without taking the time to get the kid into a seat.
Frankly, I would just start to stay home so no one could watch.
Anyway, the point is -- I think everyone should probably worry about their own damn parenting skills and their own damn marriages, and spend a little less time getting up in Britney's grill.
Indeed, there are a great many of my female contemporaries who even went through a bit of a phase circa 2002 when it was a kinf of subversive pleasure to listen to Britney Spears and watch Crossroads and sing along to "Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman" (you know it's on my iPod!) and follow her relationship with Justin Timberlake (another guilty pleasure) in the tabloids. And even the song "Toxic" was always more popular among young adults and gay men than it was with the preteen and teen crowds (in fact I've never actually met a high schooler who will admit to liking Britney).
And it shouldn't have come as a big surprise that Britney eventually turned 20, and then 21, and was therefore no longer a teen pop star but basically, officially, a woman. So I have to wonder -- why is it that the rest of us get to start acting like women somewhere around the age of 21, maybe 22, when we graduate from college, but Britney was demonized for it? Sure, she looked a bit sluttier than most of us, but have you ever been to a night club on a Saturday night? Her entire life was a night club -- surely she was entitled to dress like a ho now and again.
One has to assume that the life of a superstar is pretty fucked up. Body guards around all the time, people doing your hair, your clothes, your schedule, everything -- you just go along with the flow of it all and try to say and do all the things you know you're supposed to say and do. It's nothing like real life, where we go to work, drive our own car through rush hour traffic, sit around and watch tv or maybe go out with friends once or twice a week, eventually meet someone and maybe get married, and then start a family. And through it all, no one wants to take pictures of us except our family, and no one wants to interview us and get our opinion on random world events or on other people or whatever. No one makes money off of us in this way, so we don't get bombarded as we exit the local 7-11 following a Super Big Gulp run, and no one follows us into Foley's so they can detail our clothing purchases for next week's issue of Star magazine. No one chases us down a highway as we're driving our children to school or soccer or wherever it is we drive them, telephoto lenses hanging out the windows trying to get shots of us and our spawn. It's jacked up.
So it's not hard to understand why Britney latched on to the first man to feed her a line about wanting to spend his life with her and have a family with her. I'd be willing to place money on Britney wanting to be a better mother than her own, not pushing her kids into show business -- even if it's just a subconscious wish. Yeah, Kevin Federline's a loser with a shitty track record, and Brit's let herself go. I suspect it's our displeasure with our own meager existences that make us so judgemental about her taste in husbands and her bad hair days and puffy complexion -- we can't have our icons looking just like us.
Which brings me to Britney's parenting skills. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that they are as good as any other first time parent. Who among us didn't have an incident with our infant in which we either dropped it or hurt it in some way, totally unintentionally? In Daniel's first two weeks of life, I practically cut off one of his fingers trying to trim his insane fingernails (I do exaggerate, but there was a lot of blood involved); and I also bashed him in the top of his head with my elbow when I had laid him on the bed next to me after a feeding. On another occasion, when he was about 6 months old, I made an unfortunate shoe choice -- platform slide on clogs -- and as I carried Daniel out to the car in the garage that morning, I lost my footing going down the little staircase and totally bit it, with him in my arms. Luckily I had the presence of mind to turn myself as I fell so that I didn't fall on top of him, and I held onto him for dear life so he wouldn't crash to the floor. But yes, I stumbled and fell, dead sober, with him in my arms.
My own parents had an incident with a restaurant high chair in which my younger sister slid down and nearly got choked by the seatbelt. My own best friend had her young infant roll herself off the top of a king size bed when she'd turned her back for a couple of minutes. And I can count on one hand the number of parents I know (including me) who bother to take the time to have their car seats properly and safely installed, let alone keep their infants riding rear-facing until they're a full year old. I know I was tempted to turn Daniel around when he passed the 20 pound mark at 8 months old because the larger car seat just fit in the car better forward-facing -- the only thing that stopped me was the fact that my own parents are trained car seat installers who would never have allowed such a thing.
I would hazard a guess that a first time parent's nerves are magnified a hundred-fold when her every move is scrutinized by paparazzi and an insatiable American public. If it were me, the whole thing would make me clumsier, even panicky. I would probably freak out if being chased with my kid in my arms and jump into my car for a quick getaway without taking the time to get the kid into a seat.
Frankly, I would just start to stay home so no one could watch.
Anyway, the point is -- I think everyone should probably worry about their own damn parenting skills and their own damn marriages, and spend a little less time getting up in Britney's grill.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Public Apology re: Jack Johnson
(I thought I better post this where the most people can see it. )
Stacey, Nate, Melissa, Kim, and whomever else: You were right, and I was wrong. Jack Johnson is totally cool, and his music is really good. Not just the Curious George soundtrack, but all of his music. The Curious George soundtrack is definitely the best cd to come out so far in 2006 (2006 has been a crap year for music... but that's a whole 'nother post!). And I just realized this morning while driving to work and listening to KBCO that if you listen to Jack Johnson at the correct volume, there is some truly amazing guitar work going on. Ihave converted. I am now a Jack Johnson fan.
I love Jack Johnson.
Thank you. That is all.
Stacey, Nate, Melissa, Kim, and whomever else: You were right, and I was wrong. Jack Johnson is totally cool, and his music is really good. Not just the Curious George soundtrack, but all of his music. The Curious George soundtrack is definitely the best cd to come out so far in 2006 (2006 has been a crap year for music... but that's a whole 'nother post!). And I just realized this morning while driving to work and listening to KBCO that if you listen to Jack Johnson at the correct volume, there is some truly amazing guitar work going on. Ihave converted. I am now a Jack Johnson fan.
I love Jack Johnson.
Thank you. That is all.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
You know you think he's cute - don't fight it!
The charm, the winning smile...
...The Face... you know the one I mean...
...and the mischievous streak. You know you think he's adorable. It's okay to tell people.
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