Embarrassing Confessions

Stuff I do when I think no one's watching (oh, god, I HOPE no one's watching!!) or paying any attention:

1). Sing at the top of my lungs along with the cd of my favorite Christian recording artist, who shall remain nameless to avoid total embarrassment. I mean, that phrase right there, Christian recording artist, should be embarrassing enough.

2). I have two Britney Spears songs in my iPod: "Sometimes," and "Not a Girl, Not Yet A Woman." Sadly, the latter speaks to me, despite the fact that I am 35 years old. Dangerous and disturbing, as Yoda once said.

3). Try out the ballet moves I learned in 7th grade while pretending the back of my sofa is a barre.

4). In that same vein, try out figure skating poses. You know -- like at the beginning and end of the program, when they do something all dramatic and flashy.

5). Get out the Forrest Gump dvd and put it on the scene where he's at the peace march in Washington, DC and Jenny's out in the audience and she shouts out his name and they run into the water and embrace. It makes me weep. I love it. And then I wipe my eyes and say out loud, "God I love this movie." OUT LOUD, I say this.

6). Make up television ads for Tilex as I'm cleaning the bathroom.

7). Read every book ever written by Meg Cabot, who wrote The Princess Diaries.

8). I watch "Degrassi" on The N. I'm not sure if that really qualifies as an embarrassing confession, though, because Degrassi is a really good show.

9). Wear my iPod around the house while listening to punk rock and intentionally try to dance like the people in the iPod commercials.

10). Laugh out loud at episodes of Will & Grace in syndication that I've already seen 900 times and could probably recite.

(Has anyone noticed a recurring theme here where most of these have to do with my television viewing habits??)

11). As I read and re-read the Harry Potter books time and again, every now and then, I'll read aloud lines I like in a voice I've created for the character.

12). I encourage my son to say big words that I like because it amuses me to no end to hear them spoken by a 3-year-old. Tintinnabulation, anyone?

13). Mad crush on Ryan Seacrest. This alone should confirm to the world that he's gay, since lately, it seems as though every man who turns my head turns out to be gay... but that's a whole different post.

14). When I swear at people who piss me off on the road, and then I can tell that they saw me and could tell I was swearing at them, I'll start totally singing to whatever's on the radio and try to make it appear as though I was just rocking out. As I myself wouldn't be fooled by such a pathetic ruse, I doubt it's actually working, but I do it anyway.

15). Recently, I bought a pair of sunglasses because they looked like the ones Bono wears all the time. I really thought I had outgrown this sort of thing, but clearly not. And they're not even good sunglasses -- they don't even block out the sun! They sure look cool on me, though.

16). Call in multiple votes for my favorite American Idol contestants. I mean, nothing in the double digits or anything, but yes, 5 or 6.

And people wonder where I find the time to write this journal. As you can plainly see, I've got nothing but time on my hands.