Friday, October 21, 2005

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Letter to Daniel

Dear Daniel:

You were laughing earlier, at the antics of that crazy-ass penguin Pingu, who I just don't find all that funny, but I guess the 4-year-old sense of humor is a bit more open than my own. But your laughter was amazing, and it got me laughing too, and after a few minutes I actually started to tear up because I realized that it reminded me of the first time you ever laughed -- a moment that is as vivid in my mind as if it had happened only hours ago.

You were six weeks old. You had been an early smiler -- flashing smiles for all to see from the time you were only three weeks old -- so it wasn't a huge shock to see you laughing. It was the day of Rosh Hashanah and I was getting you dressed for going to temple with me and Daddy and Edyn. I even remember the outfit -- a little blue bodysuit with duckies on it, and matching plaid shorts; there was a little sweater to match -- it was a gift from Jeff and Sue Butwell, and I don't have a single photo of you in it, but who needs a photo, right?? And I had just finished fastening your diaper and I bent to kiss your forehead and tickled your bare tummy, and you smiled and then... The Laugh. It came from deep in your belly and bubbled up and out of you like the most beautiful music I've ever heard. And I sucked in my breath and my eyes teared up, and I realized that this moment, this big laugh out of such a tiny little human, was what I had been waiting for all along -- my entire life, even.

Because captured in that laughter was all the love and beauty and hope and faith in the entire world -- if it could be bottled and sold, we would have world peace. I know it sounds ludicrous. But it's magic, your laugh. And it still is; it hasn't changed. It's gotten a bit fuller, and it last longer now than it did then. It's laughter from your very soul, and you do it with abandon, and I know everyone thinks their kid is the most beautiful one on the planet, but when you're laughing, you truly are the most beautiful kid on the planet. You've touched countless people in your short life with your laugh and your blessed sense of humor; you're never that kid who walks into a room and brings the place down because you're crying and whining and bickering. You're the kid who walks in with a big grin on your face and a pleasant hello for everyone you encounter; you're the kid who even melts the heart of the crabby person at the grocery store who hates kids. And then you say something hilarious and forget it -- you kill every time, to use the comic's phrase. I'm constantly amazed by it, this effect you have on people, and on me in particular. I can be angry with you at times for about five minutes, and then you do or say something goofy and that's it, I'm gone, laughing.

I've often wondered what I did to deserve such a pleasant, fun kid who's been so easy on me since day one. Here's hoping you stay that way, but even if you don't, I hope to God you never forget how to laugh like that. Because it's truly amazing. I don't know how else to put it. It's my miracle drug -- you know, like Mommy's favorite U2 song about what being a parent is all about. You're my miracle drug.

And I love you.


Tuesday, October 04, 2005


I used to hate the word "dude." I really did. I got all medieval on a friend in high school because she used the word far too much, and I thought she sounded like a halfwit. And don't get me wrong -- we people who use the word still sound like halfwits, or cowpokes at best. But it doesn't drive me as batty as it used to, and now I use it daily, at least 53 times.

1. I call my boss "Dude." As in "Duude, this account's all fucked up. Can you call them and let them know??"

2. I call my son "Dude." As in, "Hey, it's time to get your jammies on, dude!"

3. I call my friends "Dude." Even though the vast majority of my friends are clearly not dudes, I call them "Dude" anyway. As in, "Hey dude! How's it going??"

4. I call my sisters "Dude." As in, "Dude, what the fuck is wrong with mom this week??"

5. I call my mom "Dude." As in, "Dude! Wanna go shopping with me this weekend?"

6. I call my dad "Dude." As in, "Dude! How's your book coming along?" (Um, he's writing a book.)

7. I use "dude" as an expletive of sorts. As in, "Oh, duuude, this totally sucks."

It's such a handy, all-purpose word. It can be angry, sarcastic, perky and cheerful -- and sometimes it can be all these things at the same time. I can't help but love it. I'm really sorry.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Just random stuff...

Stolen from Kerry via Melissa:

10 years ago I was:
- A nanny.
- Living with lame Ken.
- Feeling all dead-end.
- Getting my second degree. Woohoo - Interior Design!
- Wishing there was something better.

5 years ago I was:
- On a sailboat in the Caribbean with Hal, conceiving Daniel. Ooh -- TMI??
- Only two years into my insurance career.
- 30.
- Spending a lot of money on clothes.
- Reading Harry Potter for the first time.

1 year ago I was:
- On the verge of starting a new and better job.
- Hanging out too much on the HP Forums.
- Basically broke and trying to make ends meet as a single mother.
- Stressed out, and headachey every single day.
- Looking forward to a new U2 cd.

Yesterday I:
- Did laundry.
- IMed Liam from Birmingham, UK.
- Watched Batman cartoons with Teh Pooker.
- Went to sister's for mom's bday dinner.
- Stormed out of sister's house after fighting.

5 snacks I enjoy:
- Tia Rosa Megathin Tortilla Chips and some spicy salsa.
- Mountain Man Chili Lime Corn Chips
- Cherry Sours
- apples and bananas
- Ramen

5 songs I know all the words to:
"Sometimes You Can't Make it On Your Own" - U2
"Wake Up" - The Arcade Fire
"Glad to See You Go" - The Ramones
"Let My Love Open the Door" - Pete Townsend
"May It Be" - Enya (from the LOTR soundtrack)

5 things I would do with 100 million dollars
- Buy a house or two.
- Buy some sweet cars.
- Send Daniel to private schools.
- Travel, travel, travel.
- Buy your love!!

5 places I would run away to:
- Venice
- London
- Paris
- Rome
- Erm... Rivendale??

5 things I would never wear:
- A mullet
- A Red Wings jersey
- Any shoe made by Manolo Blahnik.
- Baby Phat
- Cheap stinky Avon perfume.

5 favorite tv shows:
- Lost
- The OC
-Prison Break
- Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
- What Not to Wear (American version... Stacey and Clinton rock!)

5 bad habits:
- Snerking
- Snarking
- Fangirling (at least I'm in good company though!)
- Swearing
- Overspending

5 biggest joys:
- Teh Pooker
- Friends
- Family
- An awesomely good read.
- Music.

5 fictional characters I would date:
- The Weasley Twins
- Aragorn
- Mark Darcy (you know... from Bridget Jones' Diary!)
- Obi Wan Kenobi
- Pretty much any man in a Nick Hornby novel.

I won't tag anyone since all the cool people have already done this and no one else would bother. Weak, peeps, very weak.