Monday, June 05, 2006

"There's really no good reason for a dead body to be there."

Ahh, there's really nothing like a massive understatement to get a police investigation off to a good start.

So, imagine you're hiking in Boulder Canyon, making your way along the river up there, and you stumble upon... a decomposing dead body. That's apparently what happened today to some hikers. So this was on the news, naturally, and when they interviewed the sheriff in charge, he says, "We suspect foul play, obviously. There's really no good reason for a dead body to be there."

Really! No good reason! That's what he said.

And if you know me, you know my mind immediately takes that statement, and attempts to refute it. I mean, I can think of loads of reasons why a dead body might be there, in that particular area. Mountain lions abound! And during the news footage, there was this massive brown bear on patrol just across the river from where this operation was taking place -- on the same side of the river where the body was found. Hmm, is it not possible that this same bear got pissed off at this human and fought it to the death? I mean, these things do happen. I think they just don't want to scare people, so they're downplaying the possibility that a demonic bear might have offed a hiker.

No, really, I know and you know that there is very probably no good reason for a dead body to be where this one was found. I just find it interesting that this sheriff felt a need to point that out to us. On further reflection, one assumes he was pressed by the interviewing reporters at the scene and taken in context, in response to a stupid question like, "Do you suspect foul play?" from some idiot with a microphone, he probably got all sarcastic and said, "Obviously we suspect foul play. There's really no good reason for a dead body to be there." And left the "you halfwit" unspoken, because the viewing public pays his salary out of their taxpayer dollars and in some jurisdictions might even vote him into his job, and you can't be calling a reporter a halfwit on television, even if the reporter is a halfwit.

Which, let's face it, he or she probably is.

That is all.


melissa said...

This doesn't get any less funny to me. I hate when journalists are trying to be all serious and say something completely stupid.

Daryn Kagen asked Pervez Musharaff one day (after their earthquake) if our aid to Pakistan would encourage Pakistanis to turn over Osama bin Laden.

Stupid questions are funny, but stupid answers are even funnier.

Georgias Maximus, Feline Esq. said...

Just look at all the great news I've been missing...