A Perfect Ending

Some people I know are all bitter that The Bachelor chose the girl named Shayne on the season finale last night, but I happen to think it was the perfect ending. I mean, the dude isn't all that deep. It's not like he ever made any bones about looking for some tremendously deep and amazing spiritual connection -- he was just looking for someone he felt comfortable with enough to hang out with every day for the rest of his life (I'm taking him at his word here and assuming that his desire to meet that special someone was as authentic as it could be given the circumstances of the show). And while I did not watch every single episode, I did keep up on Television Without Pity, so I am fully aware that the other girls in the house all couldn't stand Shayne. And it is my theory that the girl in the house that all the other girls hate is always the correct choice for the bachelor -- this is the one girl who is most definitely there for him; she is fully aware that she isn't there to be making friends with the other girls or whatever. She's there to be with the guy. And because this girl is aware of this, it makes the other girls mad, because they all want to pretend like this is a more romantic way to meet a man than Match.com or speed dating. And it's not. And they don't like to be reminded of that. So they pile up on the girl who isn't afraid to admit that.

Shayne and Matt are perfect for each other because they both seem to be those sorts of people who rarely look inward; they coast through life on good looks and a jovial personality, and hard work at careers that slightly more talented people wouldn't have to work at (acting and business, respectively). Each thinks the other is awesome, and they therefore have fun together. He is British and therefore seems slightly older than he actually is, so Shayne can work out her daddy issues with him, and be part of a family like she never had growing up. Poor thing has been on her own since she was 17! She needs someone to take care of her, and you can totally tell that Matt wants to take care of her.

If Matt had chosen Chelsea, the relationship would have been doomed by constant conversations about feelings and stuff, and he would've had to end it before it even really began. I can totally imagine the phone conversations he and Shayne were probably having during the weeks they had to stay apart until the finale aired -- it was probably a lot of flirting and baby talk and possibly veered into outright phone sex. Whereas Chelsea would have wanted to talk about her feelings, and Matt's feelings, and make grand romantic plans for when they would be together next. I suspect Shayne's plans for that were much more practical, if you catch my drift, and didn't require extensive planning or discussion.

I predict that this will be that rare Bachelor relationship that actually lasts for a little while. I suspect they might even make it down the aisle. I can only hope he insists she walk down the aisle, rather than straddling his back and making him carry her.

Stuff I Love This Week

Spring temperatures and lovely breezes. Not so much the high wind gusts that we've had, but definitely the gentle breezes, which bring with them...

The scent of blossoming flowers and trees. It's lovely this time of year, not overpowering like it is sometimes on summer evenings.

Cornershop. British band enjoying popularity in late 1990s techno scene, even though they rise far above techno. And what classic lyrics. "Every body needs a bosom for a pillow/Mine's only 45." Damn right.

Salsitas chips. These are delicious. They actually taste like some heretofore unknown variety of Doritos, but as I'm lactose intolerant, I can't have Doritos. So I turned to Salsitas, and they are delish. But I wouldn't recommend getting up close and personal with anyone after eating them.

Stuff White People Like. See link to the right. Hilarious stuff. If you, like Rob, read an entry and say, "This has a slight Republican bent to it," you don't get it, and should stop reading immediately, because they are probably mocking you.

Writing exercises. Will. Finish. Novel. Uhhhhhh... as soon as I dust off the rough draft and refresh my memory as to what the stupid thing is even about. Singer? Rock star? Some kind of scandalous love affair? Actually, it sounds really entertaining. I wish someone else would just write it already.

"Just A Little Bit (Ooh Aah)" - Gina G. Sometimes, driving in my car, I want it to sound like a gay night club circa summer of 1999, and this song cranked to eleven helps set the tone for that.

Remniscing about the summer of 1999. 1999 was a really great year for me, right up there with 1985 and 1993, and the summer was particularly great. Thousands of cocktails were consumed, many gay night clubs were visited, many a great dance move was busted out, and insurance was still an interesting career choice (and easy to do with a hangover).

Andrew Lloyd Webber on American Idol. What's great about Andrew Lloyd Webber doing the mentoring on American Idol is that... well, yes, he IS Andrew Lloyd Webber, and he actually had sound advice for the contestants, advice which made sense and was easy to put into practice. I mean, who would have thought that Syesha actually had a personality in there somewhere? Fascinating.

Chicken chili. Sorry, but my chicken chili is too awesome not to mention. We've eaten this dish pretty much weekly since last August when I made it up, and I thought for sure we'd all be sick of it by now, but the fact is, it's awesome and delicious and everyone I've ever fed it to loves it. Loves. It.

Microserfs. It's been a long while since I've read this book, but I picked it up the other night because there was a certain passage I wanted to locate, which we are considering having read at our wedding. And it is still as awesome as ever. Even though it is set very firmly in 1993, it is still timeless in a lot of ways. Generation X was merely a rough draft for Microserfs. Douglas Coupland is the shizzle.

The awesome jeans I got at Target last week. Plus they were on clearance, so not only do they fit perfectly, they also cost only $13.99. That rocks!

Facebook. I know, I'm addicted.

Rob.

Daniel.

Emails from Dolor.

In Which I Take Back Taking It Back

The other day I got a voice message from a Sexy British Male Voice following up on something he had emailed to me, and today when we finally spoke, I was swooning over terms like "occurrence based liability" and "claims made coverage" and "pollution liability" and "premium options." Oh, and "aggregate limits" -- that one was really hot. So it seems that the Sexy British Male Voice can even make insurance exciting.

I want to go work in his office.

Mariah Carey Night is Totally Lost On Me

Of all the mentors the producers of American Idol could choose, the one that would make me the most indifferent is Mariah Carey. Talk about a bunch of songs I could care less about -- these would be them. It's like I don't even care -- I have no emotion invested in tonight's Idol proceedings. I don't even care that Simon was mean to two of my faves. Because the whole thing is like, snoooooorrrrrrrrre. At least some other mentor would annoy me to death (for example, Jennifer Lopez, last year, who is SO not qualified to be giving anyone else singing tips, let alone a group of people who are better singers than she will ever be), or capture my mild interest (I hear Neil Diamond will be mentoring this season, so I'm hoping one of the contestants will kick out "Sweet Caroline"). But Mariah Carey... does nothing for me. One way or the other. I find now that I am old that her shriek thing doesn't even bother me. It used to fill me with unspeakable rage, but now, I'm just chill with it -- it's her shtick, and everyone needs shtick every now and then. Her ubertight clothing doesn't even get my goat like it once did. Could it be that the afternoon I once spent watching Glitter actually softened my heart towards her? I have no idea. I'm just like whatever.

But you know what? I would totally hug Mariah Carey, like all the contestants did. She looks like she has really nice-smelling hair.

Update

I watched Fools Rush In last night, again. For the second time in two weeks. Rob had been out with his friend at a pub quiz and came in about 20 minutes into the movie, and said, "Uhh, honey, you're watching it again." As though it was some annoying habit he'd discussed with me previously and I'd said make sure to tell me next time I'm doing it, and so he was telling me in case I didn't notice.

I was able to turn it off after only an hour, though. So I'm making progress.

A Day Well Spent

If you know me at all, you'll know just by the title that my day was not well spent by the average definition of well spent, and you'll assume that it involved a lot of television viewing (I swear that watching television is not all that I do, but for some reason, tv makes me blog). And you'll be correct.

So, for some reason, I find it impossible to sleep in. Every time I have a day off work, I wake when my alarm would usually go off on a work day. I'll get up to blow my nose and then lie back down thinking I'll drift back off to sleep, and then I start sneezing. It's ridiculous, so then I just get up. So the last two days have been quite lengthy for me in terms of awake hours, and with Daniel on vacation with his dad, and Rob ill, I had to amuse myself rather than be amused by them. Mainly, this amusement took the form of lying on the sofa watching tv, with a few chores thrown in to make me appear less lazy -- in fact, I've managed to completely excavate Daniel's room, and it's amazing what I found there. But mostly, it was all about television.

Here is what I've watched the last two days:

• Documentary about new archaeological evidence supporting the Exodus tale. Somehow this involved James Cameron.
  
• Two episodes of You Are What You Eat.
• Fools Rush In. I've seen this movie six-thousand times. You'd think eventually I'd just spring $7.99 for a copy on DVD, but no. I'm also pretty certain I'm the only person on the planet who actually loves this movie. It's because Salma Hayek is so hot, and I have a major girl-crush on her.
  
• Two episodes of Drake & Josh.
  
• Degrassi episodes that I missed earlier in the season.
  
• A handful of Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? episodes.
  
• The last seven episodes of Lost. I'd been saving them up on the DVR, and finally had an opportunity to watch them all.

And oddly, this was all way too much television, even for me.

But I'm glad to be all caught up on Lost. And weirdly, though he is an evil crazyass, I do find myself rooting for Ben over Widmore. I'm sure I'll come to regret this.

I've been missing Harry Potter a lot lately. I think I'm about to launch a re-read.

Rob is playing Assassin's Creed right now, and I've noticed that he makes his character wander around a lot like he drives through parking lots. It's pretty funny.

We hid 250 chocolate eggs for Daniel and we're leaving a note from the Easter Bunny saying he has to find them all. This is the sort of thing that amuses us. But I mean, one should have to work for one's endless supply of free candy. So I don't feel too badly about it.

I take it back...

I realize this is my own fault for making gross cultural generalizations and then watching The Bachelor because nothing else is on, but what I said about assuming that British men are always funnier and smarter than American men? It is no longer true. Witness:

THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING! MATT GRANT - THE FIRST INTERNATIONAL BACHELOR - STORMS AMERICAN SHORES TO FIND TRUE LOVE, WHEN THE BACHELOR RETURNS TO ABC, MONDAY, MARCH 17

New Bachelor Heartthrob Loves London and All It Has to Offer, But is Crazy About American Women

Matt Grant, 27, a handsome global financier from London is out to prove that love has no borders when he steps into his role as the first-ever international Bachelor, searching for a woman who can be the love of his life and start a family with him. Matt begins his pursuit of his ultimate soul mate when the 12th edition of ABC's popular romance reality series, The Bachelor, premieres with a 90-minute special, MONDAY, MARCH 17 (9:32-11:00 p.m., ET), on the ABC Television Network.

Matt, the 6'5", blue-eyed business development manager who works with millionaire businessmen and is crazy about American women, wowed the 25 bachelorettes hoping to be the love of his life. This totally charming English gentleman has something on his mind that is more urgent than any business deal -- he wants to find the love of his life and to start a family as soon as possible. The youngest of five brothers, the rest of whom are married, Matt is very close to his parents and siblings. His parents are still best friends and have a sexy relationship, even after 30 years together. The native of Bishop Stortford, a short distance from London, Matt received his B.A. in modern history and politics from Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge. His fondest dream is to share stories and a laugh at the end of the day with someone special, and his sexy good looks, intelligence and strong family ties make him a perfect catch.

Romantic and adventurous dates will reach new heights this season, as some of the women are taken to a sexy fashion show only to be surprised to find out they are the models. Las Vegas is the backdrop for a glittering evening of gambling and partying in a fabulous suite at the Paris Las Vegas hotel. One woman is treated to a private Hollywood movie screening of Columbia Pictures' Made of Honor, starring Patrick Dempsey, at the legendary Mann's Chinese Theater, as the couple gets the "red carpet" treatment by the paparazzi. A sexy game of rugby -- Matt's favorite English sport -- a fun afternoon of tennis and English tea, a classic 50s Americana date, a home-cooked meal by the Bachelor himself and a glamorous group date on the snowy slopes of Sun Valley, Idaho, will test the ladies' perseverance in pursuing their romantic objective, along with fun, exciting and exotic dates that will elicit real and raw passions. As in the past, women will continue to be eliminated each week, but if at any point along the way a woman should decide that she's no longer interested in the Bachelor, she can reject his invitation to continue dating. Some lucky women will meet his family, and he will visit their hometowns for a slice of their life in an effort to determine the woman with whom he is most compatible. At the end of the journey, the Bachelor may quite possibly have found true love. But the big question is: After all of this, will he pop the question, and will she say yes? Hosted by Chris Harrison, The Bachelor is from Next Entertainment in association with Warner Horizon Television. Mike Fleiss, David Bohnert and Martin Hilton are executive producers.

Now, I will concede that the toolishness inherent in the above press release is solely the fault of the person who wrote it, and those responsible for the plague that is The Bachelor. But what kind of tool gets himself involved in this situation? Someone made the argument that it's a free home and lots of hot chicks for however many weeks it lasts, but you would think that a man who works with millionaire businessmen and is reasonably attractive about the face would be able to afford decent housing and bag a few hot chicks without the added humiliation of having America watch it on television for their amusement (and we are, I admit, an easily amused bunch).

But I sat through about 10 minutes of the first episode, and the guy looked stunned, and it was really difficult to tell if he was thinking, "Wow, I'm overwhelmed by all the lovely ladies in the room," or if he was thinking, "Oh Christ, what did I get myself into?"

One sort of hopes he's doing it on a dare.

Bring It On Again! And again! And again! ad nauseum...

My son has lately become obsessed with "America's Funniest Home Videos." He thinks this show is hilarious from start to finish. I don't argue too much because I find it decidedly more palatable than endless episodes of "Ben 10" or "Danny Phantom." However, I'm not certain that a small child being bitten in the face by a snake constitutes a "funny home video." I find the preoccupation on this show with people being injured or maimed kind of disturbing. Call me crazy. What's even more disturbing is how often Rob and I laugh out loud at some of the selections. Alas, reruns air every weeknight on ABC Family, and Daniel knows this, and also knows how to work the remote (which happened sooner than I might have hoped; I was hoping he would remain clueless about the remote until high school, at least, but he IS a guy, so I know I was foolish). So... "America's Funniest Home Videos" it is.

Luckily, with all the time I've spent viewing ABC Family channel lately, I've had ample notice of some programming I might have otherwise been unaware of: the numerous sequels to classic films Bring It On! and The Cutting Edge. Bring It On!, as I'm sure you're aware, is the cheertastic movie about Kirsten Dunst and Eliza Dushku and their cheerleading teammates taking on the East Compton Clovers in the national cheerleading competition. For my (four) international readers, this competition does actually exist. In fact, aside from its melodrama, Bring It On! is a pretty factually accurate flick. And its melodrama makes it a classic. It brought us such brilliant made-up words as "cheerocracy" and "cheertator." "Cheertator" being a play on "dictator," not something to do with a cheerleader and tator tots. Just so you know.

But I am glad to say the story did not just die with the Toros taking second place to the East Compton Clovers. Oh no! We now have such gems as the straight-to-DVD-then-resurrected-for the ABC affiliates Bring It On Again! in which something cheer-related happens at some college. And then there was the made-for-ABC-Family Bring it On: All Or Nothing, in which Disney tried to milk Hayden Panettierre's pre-Heroes contract and her newfound Heroes-related popularity into big ratings with a movie about a cheerleader (and isn't Hayden Panettierre everyone's favorite cheerleader??) who moves to a new town and is confronted with a bitchy cheer captain played by Solange Knowles (probably channeling all her inner-resentment towards older sister Beyonce) who insinuates that our Hayden isn't good enough to be part of her squad. AS IF! Hayden, as we know, is the whole world's favorite cheerleader. What was really funny about this particular Bring It On! sequel is that it aired parallel to the start of Heroes season 2, and just seemed like an extended version of the Claire plotline. Especially if you are easily confused by television. Like, I could completely imagine some viewer new to Heroes and unfamiliar with the Bring It On! film franchise watching this sequel all confused, thinking Wait -- I thought her name was Claire. And where is Adrian Pasdar??

And now there is a fourth Bring It On! And I am happy to report that it is a modern-day retelling of West Side Story:

Southern California high school senior Carson arrives at the all-important "Cheer Camp Nationals" determined to lead her squad, the West High Sharks, to victory. But chic New Yorker Brooke and her team, the East High Jets, are equally steadfast in their pursuit of the competition's coveted "Spirit Stick." As tension mounts between the two rival squads, Carson falls for fellow cheerleader Penn, not realizing he's a Jet. When Brooke discovers the budding romance, she raises the stakes by challenging Carson to a one-on-one cheer-off. A spectacular "cheer fighting" sequence erupts into a no-holds-barred brawl and cheerleaders on both sides are suspended from the competition. With their dreams of taking home the top prize all but shattered, the leaders of both squads realize they'll have to take drastic measures to stay in the game. Written by Universal Pictures

I mean, it just sounds amazing, does it not? "A spectacular cheer fighting sequence?" Could you even dream of anything more cheertastic than that to sell this movie? I can't wait to see it. I think it's on tomorrow afternoon.

And then there's The Cutting Edge. Where Bring It On! finds its way onto the top 10 list of every former cheerleader, The Cutting Edge will always find its way onto the top 10 list of any former figure skater (I bet hockey players secretly love this movie too, but would never admit it. I know they are all secretly jealous of figure skaters.). It is cheesy and sometimes makes me cringe, but I love it! I love it the way former dancers love Center Stage (which has not, at press time, spawned any sequels... to the best of my knowledge... but wait! I think that's incorrect! I think there was one! I will research this and get back to you!*) -- it's kind of cringe-inducing and poorly executed, but the idea of it is brilliant, and in the case of The Cutting Edge, all the actors were fantastic in a movie that was totally beneath all of them. And the only place the cinematography really failed in this movie was during the actual skating sequences, which is too bad. Plus, this girl I used to figure skate with was Moira Kelly's skating stunt double, and weirdly, I recognized her skating style long before the credits rolled the first time I saw the movie.

So Disney/ABC somehow obtained ownership of this movie as well, and made a part two starring Kristy Carlson Romano as the daughter of Kate Moseley and Douglas Dorsey. And she too is a budding champion, but as a singles skater, and then when she gets an injury, they decide she should skate pairs instead (as if pairs skating is somehow easier with an injury than singles skating), and set her up with a partner with whom she bickers while romantic sparks fly. What's awesome is that they didn't even have to come up with a new plot, except for like the first fifteen minutes of the movie, and that fifteen minutes was just giving us what we wanted to hear -- that Kate and Doug got married and had a kid and now Kate is a figure skating coach... for her own kid. And there's some sort of tension between KCR and father Doug. Because what would an ABC Family movie be without ten subplots? I must admit that I haven't seen the entire thing because the first half an hour gave me the willies and I changed the channel, but one of these days, I will watch it all. I'm sure it's as fabulous as it sounds.

And now they have brought us The Cutting Edge 3: Chasing the Dream. This one is merely a retelling of the original with the characters backwards -- it is the boy who has been training to be a pairs skater and has a partner who can't cut it, and his coach finds this female hockey player to learn to skate as his partner. And she's Hispanic -- I'm not sure if that's just one of Disney's attempts to be multicultural or if it's crucial in some way to the plotline (girl from the wrong side of the tracks! Ooh!), but what I do know is that this movie has the requisite "Tooooooe piiiiick!" jokes which it would fall completely flat without. I can't wait. My only fear is that I think both this movie and the 4th Bring It On! movie are on this weekend, and I would hate to have to choose between them. I can only hope that Disney and ABC Family will air them both a thousand times so I have a chance to catch them both.

(Insanely, I still get offended by factual inaccuracies in the original Cutting Edge movie. And the one that gets me the most is the use of spotlights on the skaters during the competition sequences. They did this in Ice Princess as well, and it drives me crazy every time I see it. You don't get a frickin' spotlight during competition. Of all the things about these movies that I could find offensive, it's an inappropriate spotlight.)

I have no idea what the point of this entry was, other than to sort of question whether or not these sequels were really necessary. Obviously they're necessary, because otherwise, how would the young people of today know the joys of Bring It On! and The Cutting Edge? They would live such sad, empty lives without ever hearing the words, "BRRRRR! IT'S COLD IN HERE! THERE MUST BE SOME TOROS IN THE ATMOSPHERE!" and "When we're done here, can we teach it to breathe with its mouth closed?"

*I knew I had seen something about a sequel to Center Stage somewhere, but it turns out it is still in production. I suspect this one goes straight to DVD. But Johnathan Reeves and Cooper Neilsen are both returning. Yay!

Fake Words and Small Children With Crackberries

Fake Words that I Love:

1). Craptacular.

2). Craptastic (actually you can put "crap" in front of almost -- and I use almost very loosely -- any suffix and get a decent word out of it).

3). Boobtacular (used most often on Television Without Pity, during recaps of Rock of Love).

4). Bootylicious.

5). Meh. Arguably, this is a real word, used to replicate the noise one makes when something makes them feel... meh.

6). Asshat.

Fake Words I Hate:

1). Coverages. Really, this is just a misuse of "coverage" by the insurance industry; a lot of stupid people work in insurance, and they have all spent the last 10 years popularizing their sad attempt to turn "coverage" into a plural, apparently not realizing that "coverage" is the plural of "coverage." What's most disturbing to me is that a large maker of insurance agency management software is now using the word "coverages" in its software. I can't even begin to tell you how this drives me up a wall.

2). OMG, when spoken. I really hope the trend of actually vocalizing netspeak is not something that catches on. I'll die if either of my parents ever says, "LOL" in the midst of conversation. "Squee" is another internet fangirl word which should never, ever be uttered in real life.

3). Fucktard. This is just a way to pretend you're not really calling someone a retard, when in fact you really are calling them not just a retard, but a fucking retard. Calling people retards to mock them went out of vogue in the early 1980s. I'm not really convinced it's something we should bring back.

*****

A little while ago my best friend came by with her two daughters, Kira and Julia, to deliver Girl Scout Cookies to several people in my office. And I can't help it -- I continue to picture Kira in my head as a 6-year-old little girl, even with her clearly 12-year-old visage and personality staring me right in the face. So imagine my complete and utter amusement when we were all sitting here talking about my wedding plans and I was confirming with her that she'd like to be a junior bridesmaid or something like that, and she whipped out her cell phone and checked her calendar to make sure she had the wedding date free. She would fit right in at my office with all the crackberry addicts.

I kind of pride myself on not owning a phone that does everything. I enjoy feeling sort of Luddite in that I have a cell phone and an iPod and a camera and a Nintendo DS and a computer and a television and a paper calendar, and have no desire to combine them. Ever. I mean, I can't even imagine a scenario in which I would want to check emails while wandering the grocery store aisles, or upload photos to my blog in the middle of my vacation, or catch the newest episode of Lost during round 5 of the pub quiz (unless round 5 was regarding Lost and I was a pub quiz cheater).

But I am guessing that Kira will be one of the first to volunteer to just have all that info downloaded into a chip inserted behind her ear.

Ways I Kill Time, Brain Cells

I added a bunch of my newer favorite blogs to the list at right, so in case you're bored and want something to read but don't want to lift a book or magazine (which this time of year are heavy due to the presentation of fall fashion in the March issues, so I can totally understand not wanting to risk the hernia a magazine might leave you with), check some of them out. A couple are just from favorite scrapbookers of mine and mostly deal with matters of crafts and scrapbooking, but Bits & Pieces is actually really funny in addition to being -- sometimes -- about scrapbooking. Like, I think she started the blog thinking it would always be about scrapbooking, and then got distracted by life.

Fuller Go Easy on the Pepsi, in addition to being the best blog name ever (and I'm not even going to tell you where it came from -- if you don't know, then I'm just going sit back and feel... well, not elitist, exactly, but like I share an inside joke with one of my Invisible Internet Friends... not that this guy and I are IIF, it's more like I just read his blog and make random comments and he's probably like, who the hell is this woman and why does she have to comment in my blog? But until he actually tells me to cease and desist, I will continue...), is often funny and insightful, or usually both at the same time. I suspect that the author and Dolor would be really good friends if they ever met in real life.

Blogjam was a blog I stumbled on by accident just before Christmas when I was online looking for a porkpie recipe I could actually cope with. The author made a post about a porkpie he made a couple of years ago, and apparently said post made him sort of famous because it's come up in Google searches so many times. He's a funny British guy -- but then, I have this cultural bias in which I just assume that all British guys are smarter and funnier than American guys. He had a link to friend's blog, Ladyshambles, and she's pretty funny, so I started reading her as well, and she had a link to I Am Livid, which is the funniest of all. He posts these mini-rants about all sorts of random stuff.

So there you go -- reading material.

Daniel is watching old Tom and Jerry cartoons and is totally captivated. I was never a huge Tom and Jerry fan myself; I preferred cartoons with dialogue and human (or Smurf) characters. But I'm fascinated that he's so fascinated, because these cartoons require a much longer attention span than the garbage he usually watches on Nickelodeon and Jetix. Although Daniel has a pretty long attention span, so I don't know why I'm surprised. They're not as glitzy, I guess, as his usual fare.

It snowed briefly this morning but seems to have stopped now. Yay.

Some Updates on Recent Posts

1. I offended some women I don't even know at a scrapbooking party this past Saturday by making snarky comments about the light on my Craft Lite Cutter to my two friends I was there with. They were all quiet, and then one of them was all, "Oh, I thought that looked really cool when I saw the ad because I can never see what I'm doing on my regular cutter," and I was all, "Well, it comes with a ton of different blades that you can do a lot with. I can't wait to try those out." And then I changed the subject to how cute someone's baby was. I rarely think other people's babies are all that cute, as I am just not a baby lover, but I felt like I had to say it to move us past the tense Craft Lite Cutter moment. Damn that Craft Lite Cutter!

2. My friend commented in my "Worst Thing I've Ever Seen On Television" post with a comment about that hockey player that got his carotid artery cut by someone else's blade, and I replied back that I didn't know what the hell she was talking about, because I live under a rock when it comes to sports news of any kind. We do not watch any news broadcasts in our house at all, and I get my other news by seeking it out online. I very rarely seek out sports news. So now I feel rather foolish, because my comment could seem as though I made light of that poor dude's injury, but really, it was just because I had no effing clue. Finally this morning I had the radio on in the car quite by accident, and the news guy was doing his thing and mentioned the injury, and now I know.

But I also have to say that when I made a distinction between "bad television" and "grisly television," I didn't count sporting events at all. I'm talking about stuff that's actually made for television, which sporting events are not; they are only broadcast as a service to the viewing public, much like the news.

*sigh*

Anyhoodle.

3. Monster Truck Rally: Apparently, this thing is actually called "Monster Jam." It sells out the Pepsi Center every time it comes to town. And it is boy heaven. There are, of course, monster trucks. There is a pile of dirt and a pile of old broken down cars piled on top of each other that the monster trucks drive over at least a thousand times during the event. During the breaks, there is motocross 4-wheel racing, and also motocross bikes exhibiting their skills on ramps, jumping over the cars that the monster trucks crush. There was a little mini Bobcat that groomed the course, and there was a larger Caterpillar digger that they used to tow the monster trucks when they tumbled over. Which happened twice. I will post some photos we took once I get them loaded to the computer. Betcha can't wait!

So to summarize: monster trucks, dirt, 4-wheel cycles, motorcycles, daring stunts, construction vehicles, stuff crashing. Boy heaven.

****

In other news, we finally picked a wedding place and a date. September 27th! Woohoo.

The Worst Thing I've Ever Seen on Television

No, seriously...

Wait for it...

The Skating/Gymnastics Spectacular.

Here is the description from the channel guide -- I'm not making this shit up: "Pianist Lang Lang is the featured performer at the annual skating-gymnastics event. Gymnasts: Paul Hamm; Nastia Liukin; Ivan Ivankov; Yulia Barsukova; Shenea Booth; Arthur Davis; and Raj Bhavsar. Skaters: Evgeni Plushenko; Shizuka Arakawa; Surya Bonaly."

I mean, really? This was something some television execs went into a meeting about and greenlighted? "How next can we exploit the American public's fascination with both figure skating and gymnastics?" they asked themselves, and decided to combine the two. And apparently this is not just a one time thing, it's an annual event. That's disturbing.

Because honestly, this show is crap. I doubt it's better in person, either. You've got the gymnasts on one end of the rink, and the skaters on the ice, and they keep trying to do these numbers where they're all performing at the same time, but you have no idea where to look or who to look at. And for good measure, the orchestra and pianist are right there on the ice too. Of course there are plenty of solo performances, and there is the cachet of a few current reigning Olympic champions. But who invited Surya Bonaly? The most inconsistent female skater of all time, with the shittiest attitude? I didn't realize until just this minute that she even still existed.

And there's the problematic issue of gymnastics, and men's gymnastics in particular, not really being a "performance" type of sport. I mean, it's not meant to be set to music (except the women's floor exercise) and done in weird, figure skating-like costumes. So yes, I snickered hysterically through the moments where four of the men came out in gold lame gymnastics pants and did a weird little dance and then took turns on the high bar or something. And then I was supposed to take seriously Catalina Potolan's performance in which she wore a pink velour bodysuit with a swirly skirt which she took off halfway through, and dance around and stroked the balance beam -- it was hideous, all of it -- the outfit, the routine, the expression on her face.

I hope these people were all well paid for this.

And please. For the love of all that is holy in this world. Will someone please tell Evgeni Plushenko he needs a frigging bang trim?

Monster Truck Jam

Tomorrow we're going to a Monster Truck Jam at the Pepsi Center. Our friends have some tickets for their box so we're all going to go because they figured Daniel would dig it. Which he will. Grave Digger will be there. He has a small Matchbox version of Grave Digger. He's been seeing the commercials on television and he was asking if we could go, so he's going to be thrilled.

So yes, a monster truck rally. I'll let you know how it goes.

I guess I didn't get the memo...

I was just catching up on a couple of blogs that I haven't read since well before Christmas, and both had lengthy entries and links to other blogs with lengthy entries dedicated to the "lie" of Santa Claus. Basically, these people are questioning whether or not it's appropriate to teach their kids to believe in Santa Claus, because eventually their kids will learn the "truth," which is that there is no such thing as Santa Claus, and therefore, they will a) be angry with their parents for lying to them, and b) begin questioning every single other thing their parents have ever taught them, leading in one case to c) questioning the existence of God and Jesus. And judging by the number of comments on both blogs -- which generally receive 4-6 comments on any given entry -- supporting the notion that Santa is a lie we shouldn't tell our children, this is apparently some new popular thinking going around. All the commenters were people who said things like "I felt betrayed when I found out Santa Claus wasn't real."

Hmm. I guess I missed the memo where we were all going to hate on Santa Claus.

I don't personally know a single person who felt betrayed when they found out Santa Claus wasn't real. Granted, my family and friends are extremely well-adjusted, so maybe we're the weirdos. But for the most part, I think we were all fully aware that Santa Claus was a game your parents played with you. A game, not a lie they perpetuated on you. It's definitely a game with me and Daniel. I think he'll react like I did when he finally figures it out -- he'll think it's awesome that I "tricked" him for so long. And he'll remember Santa as being a magic and happy part of childhood and he'll carry it on with his own kids. He won't be angry or disappointed because by the time he figures it out, he'll also be old enough to realize that he's still going to have a great Christmas with or without Santa's help. And that's really what Santa, when done properly, does -- he's a tool you can use to get your kids interested in giving, a mythical figure who teaches us that you can reap so many benefits from giving, maybe it's fun to just give and give to the whole world. Santa fires up kids' imaginations, gets them thinking about the whole wide world and not just their tiny corner of it. Kids will ask all sorts of questions about whether or not kids in China get a visit from Santa, and it's your opportunity to help them learn about life in China. Or wherever else your kid asks about.

If doing the Santa thing in your house is leading to your kids being selfish and spoiled, I don't really think the issue is Santa -- I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's the parenting.

If doing the Santa thing in your house is leading to your kids questioning the validity of everything you've ever taught them, maybe you should thank your lucky stars that your kids have brains enough to not just take everything at face value and take the opportunity to help them explore their faith, or whatever it is they're questioning.

Maybe you felt betrayed by your parents because they were assholes who just up and told you there was no Santa one day and let that be their excuse to never buy you another decent Christmas gift again. Maybe this, then, is your opportunity to not be your parents.

I just the think the whole "debate" is ridiculous. I see where this is going -- people are going to teach their kids that there is no Santa Claus, and those kids are going to come to school and tell the children of normal people that there is no Santa Claus, thus leading to the normal people having to either make something up on the fly when their kid asks about it, or ending the Santa game before they had planned to. Some kid on the playground told Daniel and his friends that there is no Santa and that he saw his parents leaving the gifts out, but I think Daniel has one more year to believe in Santa and then he'll probably figure it out, so I told him that if he didn't believe in Santa, then Santa wouldn't visit. And I seriously doubt that this will harm him for life. In fact, when he confronted me with his theory that there is no Santa, he thought it was really funny.

It's all fine and well if you don't want to have your kids believing in Santa, but that doesn't mean it's okay for you to preach it to my kid.

You might assume that the people most concerned about this are hardcore Christians, and that is true of one camp, but the other camp is gay parents. Particularly gay men. A lot of gay men (and I'm sure lesbian women) have this thing where they have vowed, after coming out, to never tell another lie as long as they live, and they feel like teaching their kids to believe in Santa is lying. I find this perspective fascinating from a sociological viewpoint, but it's not something I could ever get behind.

We're Santa people in this house.

Home Alone 2, and some things that suck

Apparently I should have included Home Alone 2 on my list of movies with scenes that make me cry every single time -- I just realized this when I was watching it on cable for the 958th time this morning. And towards the end, there's the part where his mom finds Kevin standing in front of the tree at Rockefeller Center, just after he's made a Christmas wish to see her. I hate to be all "the Home Alone filmmakers were really good," but they were, because in this scene, the obvious thing would have been to have Kevin shout, "Mom!" and the mom shout "Kevin!" and have them run straight to one another and embrace. But instead, it happens a little bit differently -- she comes rushing up to where he's standing and stops about three feet away from him, and they look at one another, then Kevin apologizes, and she apologizes. And then they stare at each other some more, and then finally they embrace. And this entire time, certain among us are getting all weepy. Awesome! I can't believe I left this off my original list. What was I thinking?

Strangely, I have reserved judgment on Pearl Harbor for a long time, mainly because I was still in the midst of being hot for Ben Affleck at the time it came out, and also because it was so pretty ("Ooh, look, shiny things!") -- oh, and I was pregnant, so it seemed good because it played upon one's hormonal emotions. But last night, during half time of the Patriots-Jags game, I got bored of the commentary and switched over to Pearl Harbor on another channel, just to see what it looked like in high-def (seriously, that's what went through my head). And finally came to realize that Pearl Harbor is indeed a shite movie. Kate Beckinsale is quite lovely to look at, as is the scenery, and the casting of Dan Aykroyd as an adviser to the President was a really interesting choice, but let's face it -- Josh Hartnett can't act, and Ben Affleck is out of his depth in his attempts to be deeper than a romantic hero. However, if I had been, like, sick at the time, I bet I would've been all, "Pearl Harbor is the best movie ever!" Sick people and pregnant women -- that's who this movie is good for. Otherwise, it sucks.

Another thing that sucks is that song by Sara Bareilles -- I have no idea what it's called and am far too lazy to check, but it's the one in heavy rotation on The N and VH-1 right now, and is also featured in the ad for Music On Demand. She's banging away on a piano and singing something like "I'm not gonna zsazsazsazsa a love song something something." This song sucks. What sucks the most about this song is that it's very sneaky and it might suck you in to thinking you actually like it -- it's very dangerous. You have to overcome this one on an intellectual level. You actually have to learn to hate this song just because everyone else loves it. It's got the kicky piano chords, the plucky heroine with a not altogether unpleasant voice, slightly indecipherable lyrics, and then... it becomes very bland. Because of the very same qualities which first make you think it's okay. But it sucks.

Other things that suck:

- The ending to Once. Totally amazing movie, and then... they don't get together in the end. I know, I've been totally brainwashed by chick flicks and books with standard happy endings. If there's sexual tension, people should hook up -- that's what I believe. But they didn't. Thank God he bought her a piano, and thank God for the beautiful music, or this would be the worst movie ever.

- Acid reflux.

- Car repairs that were originally going to be $165 (woohoo!) and after all was said and done, are practically a million dollars. Well, maybe not a million -- but definitely the bulk of my paycheck. And yet all the repairs I've made to my car over the last year are still less than a third of what car payments would have been. So it's a very tough call. I mean, I do hate my car. I wouldn't mind a new car. It's just that the thought of a car payment sends me into a blind panic.

- Freezing feet. I thought my new lined Crocs would help with this, but no.

- When they show part of the "reveal" in commercials for What Not to Wear. Now I know this week's makeover is going to feature a dress I already hate.

- Weight Watchers new ads trying to pretend they're not a "diet." Okay, maybe you're not a "diet" using the common definition of the word rather than the nutrionist's definition, but you're still a weight loss program. Don't lie.

- Having to go places on Sunday. I hate this. I especially hate having to go someplace early on a Sunday. Sunday should be my day where I get to lounge about on my sofa doing nothing all day long. Even the bible says that Sunday is to be a day of rest! Instead, I have to get in the shower and get ready to go someplace by 11am or something. Blech. It's almost like having to go to work.

And on that note, I have to go get ready. We're going to a movie premiere today. Our friends Kyle and Steve made a documentary. I'll let you know more about it after I see it, but I'm sure it's going to be good.

As Seen On TV!!

I am now the proud owner of a Craft Lite Cutter! As seen on tv!! This is a craft trimmer whose main selling point is the light beneath the cutting rail, so you can see exactly where the cut line is going to happen on your paper or photo or whatever. The first time we saw an ad for this (in true infomercial style, the ad depicts crafters using crappy cutter after crappy cutter, shredding paper and cutting in the wrong places, and then they break out the miraculous Craft Lite Cutter and never mess up a scrapbooking project again!), Rob got ALL excited and said, "Honey, we should get one of those!" And I was all, "Um, I have several perfectly wonderful Creative Memories cutters and there's no way in hell I would spend $19.95 on something with a LIGHT along the cutting rail, because I am not stupid enough to cut a photo in the wrong place. I fail to see what the big deal is." And Rob proceeded to look all kind of wounded and hurt and then I felt like a really bad fiancee, but he kind of laughed and we moved on with our lives.

Then, last night, I had this particular group of girlfriends over who I used to work with in my first insurance office; we get together once a month for dinner, and every December we have a Christmas gift exchange and dinner at someone's house. This year we had issues doing this in the month of December, so it was last night. And the very first gift I opened was from Leslie, who is kind of an odd woman (sorry, Leslie, but you are, odd yet loveable) and has been known to buy everyone fuzzy hangers and things of that nature. But this particular gift was a Craft Lite Cutter! And the way she had wrapped it, the first thing I opened was a small box containing six blades, which looked pretty cool, and then I opened the box containing the cutter itself, which came with a bunch more blades, and I gotta tell you, it actually looks like a pretty awesome cutter! One of the blades is a perforator, which I think I can come up with a lot of uses for. But what's hilarious is how EXCITED I got about it! I held it up to Rob (who got stuck at our Girl's Night Out through no fault of his own) and said, "Look, honey, it's the Craft Lite Cutter!" He looked a little confused, as he is sometimes does, probably because the last time the words "Craft Lite Cutter" had been used in this house, I mocked the whole thing pretty ruthlessly.

But I did get all excited, especially about the perforating blade. The light feature, I can probably take or leave, but I'll see how life-changing it is when I break it out later on to check the cutting power of this thing. I have to reserve judgment till I see how quality the blade is; the ads tout the blades as being all fabulous and wonderful, so we'll see. What else is nice is that it seems that the base of the cutter is about 15 inches, which will be perfect for working with 12-inch scrapbooking paper. I can envision making some cool borders with the different blades. I will never cut my photos with anything other than a straight edge blade, because that just makes the photos look completely hideous.

I've actually never owned anything "as seen on tv" before, so this a big moment for me. I'll let you know how it goes.

Happy New Year, and some movie notes

Happy New Year! Hope you all had a great Christmas or whatever, and then engaged in debauchery last night. I know I did... if by "debauchery" you mean taking the crew (Daniel and Rob) over to Lianne and Sam's house and bringing along chicken chili for the assembled crowd (erm, Lianne, Sam, and Mr. Vinci); watching football and bad television throughout the evening; briefly breaking out Sam's Wineopoly game and then getting bored of it quite quickly; drinking one entire cider and two glasses of champagne before having to switch to diet Pepsi due to a stomach problem caused by sulfates in the beer and wine; watching old home movies of Sam as a small boy which were hysterical and cute; and then barely holding my shit together when Rob insisted we stay 35 more minutes until it was officially midnight when I really wanted to leave around 11... we could have been home, sleeping, by midnight, you know. Oh, and the freezing car ride for 59% of the drive home. But it was a fun night.

Rob and I had a goal to see three movies this weekend since we had so much free time on our hands: Juno, Walk Hard, and I'm Not There. We managed two of the three. Juno was Friday night's selection. We couldn't wait to see it as we had punked out on trekking down to the indie theatre two weeks ago when it was only playing there. I had a moment of panic upon getting to the theatre almost an hour early because we ate dinner too quickly and discovering the place was packed in a way I have never seen; we figured everyone had cabin fever after the holiday and snow and decided to get the hell out and see some movies. So this lady goes, as we were walking in, "Everything is sold out." And when we didn't immediately respond -- presumably by turning around and heading straight back to our car -- she repeated it: "Everything." And it was so cold out that I was thinking how pissed I was going to be if I got in there and Juno was sold out when I had just left the safe and warm confines of my vehicle to get into the theatre -- that's how long the walk is from the main parking lot to the ticket booth of this place.

But it was all good -- Juno wasn't sold out yet, although there were no tickets left for Charlie Wilson's War, Enchanted, Walk Hard, and two other movies I can't remember now. I'm sure that several movies being shown in that theatre got the trickle down effect from others that sold out... people don't like to just leave without seeing something after going to all the trouble of getting there and getting out of the safe and warm confines of their vehicles, so they'll just go see whatever at that point. So anyway, we saw Juno in what eventually became a theatre packed full of Highlands Ranch, CO teenagers and a smattering of adults. Needless to say, it was the adults who understood the jokes and pretty much everything else in the movie; I often find that just because a movie is about teenagers (or children) doesn't mean it's a movie for teenagers (or children)... although maybe there are teenagers out there who get Juno. Just not in this town.

And Juno was amazing. It was everything you've heard in the reviews and possibly more. And if you go see it and don't cry for the last 20 minutes of the movie, you're colder than I thought I you were. Ellen Page was incredible; the script was amazing. It is just a really great movie, and yet it's so quiet about it. If you don't see another movie this year, go see this one. P.S. The ads bill this one as a full on comedy, but it's really not -- it's what I believe the DVD sellers would categorize as Comedy/Drama. Just so you know. It's funny, but it's not lighthearted or shallow.

I wish I could get all excited and up in your grill about Walk Hard, but after loving absolutely everything to come from the mind of Judd Apatow for the last few years, this one fell flat... and I think it was because Apatow didn't direct it. I think if he had, it might have worked a little better. As it was, it was too conscious of being a satire, and therefore lost its satirical edge. It is more comparable to movies like Epic Movie and Scary Movie than to any really good satires (of which I can think of none right this minute, but I'm sure I could if I really felt like it... which I don't, since no one pays me to review movies, so I can be all lazy like that). I said to Rob when we left that it's a funny movie, but it's not a good movie. Like, Knocked Up and Superbad are funny and good. Walk Hard is just funny. And you almost feel guilty for finding it funny if you are also a fan of the movies it sends up, mainly Ray and Walk the Line (this more than any other), because a lot of the stuff it plays for laughs is stuff from the lives of Ray Charles and Johnny Cash that just isn't funny. What is funny are the artistic phases Dewey Cox goes through, and the sending up of those conventions of rock music, and the time he spends in India with the Beatles (played hysterically by Jack Black as Paul, Jason Schwartzman as Ringo, Paul Rudd as John and... crap, I can't remember the fourth one who played George). There is also a running gag about the Jews who control show business which is funny if not very clever, and these guys are played by three of the Jewish actors who regularly inhabit Apatow's films... so you see, it's okay to laugh... because they are Jewish and you're supposed to know that. It's all very wink wink nudge nudge. And maybe you're into that, but I prefer something a little more downright funny or clever.

The one place where the movie does transcend funny and moves into clever territory is with the music itself, which was composed by Apatow and a team of musicians such as Marshall Crenshaw and Dan Bern, among others (whose names I don't recognize, so see how I am? I just name the ones I actually know... again with the laziness!). The songs are hilarious. The best are Let's Duet, which is the song Dewey Cox sings with his love interest and makes all this sexual innuendo (in place of Walk the Line's Johnny and June duets); Walk Hard of course, which mocks Walk the Line while also paying homage to it; and a really hilarious tune from Dewey's Dylanesque phase where the lyrics make absolutely no sense but all the hippie kids love it and it's like their protest anthem.

I think the movie would have worked better as a mock-doc (a la This is Spinal Tap) than as an actual life story type film. I realize the danger would have been having the filmmakers accused of trying to remake Spinal Tap, but I really think it could have been done in an Office kind of way and not been too much like Spinal Tap, as it would have been looking back at the career of Dewey rather than taking place in the here and now.

We never did get to I'm Not There, as we once again balked at the notion of heading all the way downtown to the indie theatre and paying $12 a ticket to sit there in a decrepit seat while a bunch of drunk twentysomethings make stupid comments through the whole movie. You really have to be in the mood for that sort of thing. However, a new indie theatre just opened up right near my office, where apparently for $13 a ticket, you also get popcorn and beverages, and they will be delivered directly to your seat... which is brand new and hasn't been in the theatre since it first opened in 1910, and uncleaned since the Reagan administration. So we'll go see that in a couple of weeks. In the mean time, we have a lot of stuff we need to catch up on from the fall that just showed up on Pay Per View... I hate going into Oscar season without at least being familiar with all the Best Picture nominees.

All right, Daniel's restless and I have Bionicles to construct. Shannon out.

Five Things

I've been tagged by KT at Fluffy Puffy Puppy and now I have to do this:

If you have been tagged, please follow these rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 5 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

So, let us begin.

1). I realized yesterday that I can't recall ever doing homework at home during high school. Surely I must have done at least some, but I don't remember -- don't remember ever sitting at my desk or on the floor with my lap desk, working on anything for school. I think I did it all during my free study periods or during other people's scenes in drama classes or over at my friend Katherine's house. It's almost like my house was too comfy to concentrate on doing my homework. I mean, I'm sure I must have written the occasional paper there or something, but I don't know. I had easy classes all through high school, though, so that would account for a lot of it.

2). I have a half-finished novel that I wrote. I keep pushing back the finish date goal. Now it's by my 40th birthday. First it was by my 30th, then my 35th. My sister hates this about me. I once let her read the beginnings of a novel I started writing back in college that I scrapped sometime in my mid-twenties, and she's been angry with me ever since for never finishing it and leaving her hanging. (Stace -- here's what I know: it was to have a happy ending, but first the main character was going to lose someone else close to her and then she would come of age by traveling around the world on her own. Because isn't that how we all come of age?)

3). Since it's getting near Christmas, I'll share this: my favorite Christmas movies are all the uber-schlocky ones they show on ABC Family and the Hallmark channel all the month of December. It is entirely possible to watch only Christmas movies for an entire weekend, even if you stay up all night. My all-time fave was always The Night They Saved Christmas, starring former Charlie's Angel Jaclyn Smith as the mom. My new faves are Snow, in which Tom Cavanagh plays the son of Santa Claus, and Ashley Williams (sister of Kimberly Williams-Paisley, of Father of the Bride and marriage to Brad Paisley fame) as his love interest. The only really bad part of this movie is right at the very end, where Tom and Ashley ride off in the sleigh and the effects are just terrible. I also watched one called Sons of Mistletoe yesterday, with the guy who played the fiance in Father of the Bride; he plays this guy who runs a small boys home which Roma Downey as the cold NYC businesswoman is planning to sell and thus shut down; of course he and the boys from the home melt her cold steely heart, and all ends happily because... it is a Christmas movie.

I also love Prancer. Classic, classic, classic.

The one Christmas movie I absolutely loathe? A Christmas Story. Everyone I know loves this stupid movie, and I just don't get it. Never have, never will. Hate that Peter Billingsley kid, hate the movie. Seriously, just an ad for this movie makes me cranky. Talk about overhyped -- this movie is in the dictionary next to the word.

4). I hate the great outdoors. I think this is probably the weirdest thing about me. I mean, what kind of human being hates the outdoors? And not just the great outdoors, like the mountains or whatever -- I just hate being outside in general. There are a couple of reasons for this -- first of all, I'm allergic to about 90% of whatever's out there. So generally, I go outside, and 10 minutes later I'm miserable, sneezing, itchy, watery eyes, runny nose, etc. etc. And also, being sent outside was punishment for reading too much and being too solitary when I was a child, so it still feels vaguely like punishment now. So I just resent and resist it. I think because of this, I am more appreciative of the times when I am truly able to enjoy a day outdoors.

5). I was in a sorority in college and I loved every minute of it. Make of that what you will.


So, I tag Melissa, Doreen, Trent, Rob, and Heather. I am far too lazy to engage in the lengthy process which would allow me to link to any of their blogs, but they will read this and they will list their five things.

Christmas Wish Lists

Okey dokey, here are the Christmas wishes for our family "Secret Santas" ...

Dawn:
Coco Mademoiselle by Chanel -- the eau de cologne type about $50.
Or half of a year wine of the month??????

Tom:
-A really warm pair of winter gloves -- black,size L or XL depending on make. He has seen them in Cabela's catalog -- they are called Cabela's Gore-Tex Thinsulate Men's gloves. Probably size L. $29.95 list price. I'm sure the sports stores have similar gloves.
-Also the new Celine DION cd (Taking Chances).

Stacey:

I want a set of soft pastels. Here's a specific link since no one would even know what they are otherwise - if you scroll way down to the bottom, the ones I want are the Set of 60 - Half-Sticks for $44.99 (2nd up from the bottom):

http://www.dickblick.com/zz200/26a/

If that's too geeky, I could also use a cute hat/gloves to go with my black wool coat, or a half-zip pullover fleece to wear hiking and stuff.

Nate:
Nate wants a hat and shoes like these ones at LL Bean. Size 12 and the brown color for the shoes. The hat doesn't have to be this specific one - he just wants one of these baseball hats with the fold down ear flap - they also have them at Eddie Bauer and outdoorsy stores.

http://www.llbean.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?page=warm-up-baseball-hat&categoryId=51696&storeId=1&catalogId=1&langId=-1&parentCategory=502808&cat4=502781&shop_method=pp&feat=502808-tn

http://www.llbean.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?page=comfort-mocs&categoryId=33394&parentCategory=502766&cat4=502761&storeId=1&catalogId=1&langId=-1&feat=502761-sub2

Shannon:
the Ugly Betty Season 1 DVD set.

Rob:
Our Big Dumb World book by the Onion, and an iTunes gift card.

Lianne:
Linens and Things gift card.

Sam:
Barnes and Noble gift card.

*************

Daniel is "probably" going to receive a Nintendo DS from Santa Claus and he would like games for that -- little kid and educational games. Older games labeled for Game Boy are also compatible with the Nintendo DS. He is also a huge fan of the Borders or Barnes and Noble gift card and loves nothing more than being able to go the bookstore and buy his own books with his own "credit card."

Aspen could use some warm clothes for the mountains -- especially a hat and mittens. She could also use a warm coat/snowsuit. She's got lots of toys, but books or bath toys would be nice. She's pretty easy to please.

Happy Shopping, everyone!

Awesome Bag

Whenever I go to Canada, I can't stay away from the Roots store. This time we got sweatshirts for Daniel and Aspen, and a slew of t-shirts for Rob and I. But the best purchase was this, my awesome bag:

I love this bag for three reasons:

1). It is huge. See how it dwarfs the actual scrapbooking tote next to it? It is ginormous, and therefore it is awesome.

2). Inside, it has special pockets designated for a cell phone, an iPod, and headphones. These pockets are awesome because they perfectly fit my cell phone, my iPod, and my headphones, and because these pockets are awesome, the bag is awesome.

3). It is the color of the maple leaf on the Canadian flag, and therefore it is awesome.

Goofball

All I asked was for one nice smile. One teeny, tiny nice smile for a photo showing off Daniel's favorite shirt and latest haircut. But oh no. Because... he's Daniel.

Cousins

We went to my aunt Gail and uncle Kevin's to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving. Below is my favorite cousin Shelby and her boyfriend...

Here's Daniel with his hero, cousin Zachary.
And here's Daniel with cousin Jake, who gave Daniel jellybeans before dinner. That adds up to a way cool cousin.

Niagara Falls

We headed to Niagara Falls on our last day in Ontario. Unfortunately it was real rainy and foggy that day and so much steam was rising from the center of the Horseshoe, we didn't get a really nice view of it. Rob was very disappointed as he'd never been there before. Oh well -- we'll go back next time.


Isn't Daniel a cutie pie in his new Roots hoodie? Yeah, I thought so too.

Toronto Zoo

We took Daniel and cousin Noah to the Toronto Zoo to see the dinosaurs... which, admittedly, sounds a bit weird given that dinosaurs are extinct. But there was this traveling exhibit at the zoo with life-size animatronic dinosaurs, like the ones used in Jurassic Park, and we thought it would be fun to go see them. It gave a whole new perspective that you don't get just from seeing the reconstructed fossils at the natural history museum -- T-Rex was enormous and frightening, and the Allosaurus was vicious looking. Below, Daniel and Noah imitate T-Rex.

We weren't that excited about the rest of the zoo, although it did have an outstanding children's experience area with things like these sea turtle shells to climb into and a bunch of other stuff to climb and play on.
Daniel and Noah found a hippo statue to climb on. Actually, there were very few things Daniel and Noah didn't want to climb...

Cornwall

So we spent a couple of days in Cornwall with my grandparents and made sure to hit a few highlights: the chip wagon for fish and chips...
Quebec, just to say we'd been...
and the cemetery at Nana's church, so we could see her and Poppa's plot. Morbid, yes, but it was important to her that we go see it. Actually, the graveyard is quite lovely. I find that often to be the case with graveyards -- they're quite peaceful and pretty. There are graves dating to the 1600s in this cemetery. Some of them are so old the engravings are completely worn away from weather.

Great Poppa/Great Nana

Some photos from our recent trip to Canada. Daniel had a wonderful time visiting with his Great Poppa and Great Nana, and they were both so happy to have Daniel there. I wish we could have stayed longer. Daniel really liked learning about the river from Poppa, and all the hugs and ice-cream he received from Nana. He also got to ride on all of Poppa's fun toys... the motorized scooter chair, and the chair that Poppa has to ride up and down the stairs. Of course I didn't think it was such a great idea that Poppa let Daniel try and drive the scooter, and of course I was right -- Daniel nearly crashed it into the neighbor's garage door. But Poppa thought that was funny. We slipped some Lancaster perch onto Daniel's dinner plate on night and told him it was chicken. He ate it all but told us it tasted strange. Hee.

Rob gets his electronic hand held Yahtzee! on.

Halloween

We did trick-or-treating with Daniel's best friend Andrew and Andrew's sister Casey, as well as their cousins. Here are some photos of the kids checking out their haul. And Andrew's blue tongue, which his mother was not keen to take a picture of but I was all, "Stick out your tongue, Andrew!" and snapped it twice to make sure it came out right.









































The kids before trick-or-treating -- Daniel was a mummy. It was impossible to get them to all look at the camera at the same time, but at least they all look cute.

The Package Shark

So I'm sitting here watching tv as usual (VH-1 Classic -- Eddie and the Cruisers just ended, and now Mark Goodman is about to play the "Do They Know It's Christmas?" video, which as we all know was the better and cooler predecessor to the crap that was USA for Africa's "We Are the World") and this ad for something called the Package Shark came on, and I think I've realized that there is a genre of ad that I do actually love: the Low Budget Extremely Useful Gadget Ad.

The Package Shark, despite its questionable name, is something everyone really needs. It's a little cutting tool that will easily open all those dreadful plastic packages things are sold in -- the worst offenders are found in the children's toy department, but in the ad, they showed real razor packaging, a curling iron package, and packages for larger sized batteries. It's got a concealed blade that you'll push a button to release as you run it around the edge of the package (similar to a couple of tools invented by a client of mine to open DVD and cd packaging), and voila! The damn thing is open. I was so excited by this tool that I didn't even check to see how much it costs, but the great thing about ads like this one is that the items featured are always the same price -- $19.95! And they always throw in a couple of extras -- in this case, special wrapping paper scissors and an extra Package Shark. I would totally pay $19.95 for two Package Sharks and a pair of special wrapping paper scissors.

The great thing about these ads is how low key they always are. I mean, they always start with some poor over-acting by some actor pretending to be a frustrated housewife who's trying to stuff extra sweaters into a closet or a drawer (in the case of the vacuum pack bags whose name I can't recall right now), or the one who can't find any lids for her Tupperware in the kitchen (in the case of the plastic storage container organizer... again, the name escapes me), or my new favorite, the woman trying to open a plastic package containing a curling iron, who tries everything -- scissors, knife, and then a chainsaw! So the Package Shark ad is even poking fun at itself, in a way. And then following this funny little household drama, they show you the product, and demonstrate it like 40 times in 2 minutes so you can have little doubt that this thing will work. No one shouts. There are no flashy graphics. These ads actually kind of require a longer attention span than most ads. And at first, you're kind of irritated because they're interrupting your show or whatever, and they're so low budget that just looking at them is annoying. And then you're sucked in by wanting to make fun of the ad. But then you can't, because the product being advertised is something you really need in order to effectively operate your life.

Can you imagine how much time everyone could save fighting with plastic packaging on Christmas morning if everyone got a Package Shark in their stocking?

The really funny thing about the Package Shark is that it totally looks like the sort of product that would come in the offensive plastic packaging it's designed to break through.

I love how VH-1 Classic has a little logo that reads "Classic Current" so they can get away with playing new videos by older artists. Sly.

The guitar player for Steely Dan is probably the creepiest looking man in rock and roll. This is why I shouldn't ever watch VH-1 Classic.

But later they're going to show the documentary called The U.S. Versus John Lennon!

Commercials I Hate

I hate most commercials; they insult our intelligence in an onslaught of bad dialogue and poor lighting -- and then we're expected to swoon over whatever they're selling and head right out to buy it. Personally, if a commercial annoys me enough, I will never buy what it's selling -- any Swiffer-related product being the sole exception to this rule. But herewith, the commercials that annoy me more than any others:

1). Any ad featuring the OxyClean guy -- the annoying guy who shouts and most likely spits while he talks. There are about 6 different ads starring this guy, who purportedly is the guy who invented all the products he's shilling. I would be too afraid to buy any of it for fear that he would leap out of the packaging and start shouting at me about the state of my toilet bowls or something.

2). Any Westwood College is excruciating because they are clearly so low budget, but the worst is the one with the fully nerdy girl in a red sweater who's all, "Want to know what today's HOTTEST careers are??" And I'm thinking, "Hell no, because anything you think is hot probably involve Renaissance garb and hobbits, and I just don't want to go that deeply into your mind." I mean, seriously, who thought this chick was sexy enough to sell an ad about "the hottest jobs"? Ick.

3). Allstate ads. Here's what I'm going to tell you about the "discounts" and "credits" advertised by Allstate: they will build them into the premium rates. Therefore, you aren't really getting a discount or a credit at all; you probably won't save with Allstate more than you would with any other insurance company. If Allstate is the company that can offer you the lowest premium for the best coverage, more power to you, but don't be deceived by ads that say you won't be charged for an accident -- there's not a single insurance company on the planet that won't raise your premium for an at-fault accident. What Allstate's going to do is charge you for it in advance; then, after you have it, they can be all, "See? We didn't raise your rates!"

4). And while we're on insurance, let's talk about the State Farm ads where the insurance agent shows up at someone's house in the middle of the damn night when some drunkard drives through the client's living room wall. Sorry, but drunkard or no, your insurance agent isn't showing up to your house in the middle of the night. You won't even have your insurance agent's home phone number (unless your premiums total over $50,000 a year -- then you might). Talk about insulting our intelligence. I mean, do people really believe this shit is real??

5). Toilet paper ads that use puppies to demonstrate the softness of the toilet paper. I'm not even sure where I'm supposed to go with this -- am I supposed to take the puppy's word for it that the toilet paper is soft? Puppies poop on the lawn and don't wipe -- how would they even know? Or am I supposed to be thinking, "Well, puppies are soft and this toilet paper is going to be soft, like a puppy." That's just disturbing, because I don't want to wipe my ass with a puppy.

6). Proactive Solution ads, and now the ones by their competitor. First of all, I can go walk down the street or head to the store or any other public place and see a bunch of people with hideous skin. I don't want to see it in high definition in the middle of a What Not To Wear marathon. It's just so foul. And then, on the Proactive ads, we have to see which unintelligent celebrity is the dumbest, between Diddy, Jessica Simpson, and Jennifer Love Hewitt. What's really sad is that I can totally believe Diddy having all kinds of nasty acne, but not Jessica or Jennifer. Because he's a man and men are so lazy about their skin -- even Diddy. And the more serious they try to make Jessica and Jennifer behave, the dumber they seem.

7). Hair color ads. Or really any kind of hair care product. These people always look like they're having such a fantastic time. No one ever has fun styling their hair. It's a chore, and then it either looks like shit when you're done, or you luck out and have a good hair day. Either way, you don't get all excited about. You might glance at your reflection in the mirror and be all, "I look kinda fierce today," but that's about it.

8). The car ad with the "gospel choir" that's all singing about the car. This alleged choir is full of skinny, beautiful people and I'm sorry, but first of all, no car is going to move the spirits of an entire gospel choir to sing about it. And no gospel choir -- or any other choir -- is this good looking.

9). Victoria's Secret -- the new ads for the push up bras. How old is this chick, like 14? I think it's hardly appropriate for her to be prancing around on television in that outfit.

10). Kay Jewelers. Someone just shoot me. These ads make me want to die. Or vomit. They are actually worse than the Jared ads. If anyone I knew ever bought me jewelry from Kay or Jared, I would know that a) they had no imagination, and b) they waited till the very last minute to do their shopping.

Alas, it is now the official Christmas shopping season, so I'm sure I'll be treated to more and more of my favorites as the weeks pass.

At the armoury...

This picture cracks me up because Daniel is SO serious while the guy in the armoury was just making a goofy face. It has to be said, Daniel doesn't mess about when it comes to the purchase of a new sword and shield. The Ren Fest is no time for frivolity -- there are dragons to be slain and people to charm and fake tattoos to be painted... I gotta tell you, the expression in this photo is one of my favorite Daniel faces. Because Daniel is really not serious at all, if you know him. He's so funny and fun-loving. So it kills me when he gets into character and makes this serious face. And look at those eyes. Please. Can you resist those eyes??