Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Rapture

So there was this girl I went to high school with that I spent some quality time with at our 10-year reunion back in 1998, and now she's on Facebook and we are Facebook friends. Back at the 10-year reunion, she was telling me how the pastor at this church she went to said that the Rapture was going to happen on New Year's Eve going into Y2K, and he was helping a select group of individuals at the church prepare for it. She was one of them. Imagine my surprise when I saw her at the 20-year reunion last summer! I guess the Rapture didn't happen after all, and I often wonder how a pastor would explain that away. He probably told them all they weren't good enough or something.

So now every single time I see her name on Facebook, I want to ask her what happened. But I guess that would be rude.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Poppa


My grandfather on my mom's side passed away this past Saturday at the age of 88. It was not unexpected but it hurts just the same. He was a husband, a father, a grandfather, a great-grandfather, a friend, a Canadian, a soldier. He meant a lot of different things to a lot of different people.


He was our Poppa. He was Daniel's Great-Poppa.


He cooked us perch for supper every time we visited. Every time.


He liked to tease us.


He made funny faces but stopped as soon as someone pulled out a camera.


He yelled sometimes... but what Holden doesn't yell sometimes?


He had opinions, a lot of opinions about a great many things. Lots of us are like him that way -- it's hard to get a word in edgewise when there are Holdens in the room.


He was a great drinking buddy. It's his fault if I was kind of drunk at Cousin Krissy's wedding.


He was as stubborn as the day is long. If you're a Holden with a stubborn streak, it's probably his fault. Some might say that's an understatement.


He was proud. He was proud of all of us, his kids, his grandkids, his great-grandkids.


He was the kind of grandfather you brag about on the school playground. "Oh yeah? Well, MY grandpa fought in World War II and got blown up by a land mine and lived to tell about it!"


He was handsome. It's not hard to see why Nana fell for him. Not hard at all.


He called us "Pet."


He loved to make his great-grandchildren laugh.

When my older sister and I were quite small, we would travel to Ontario in the summertime to visit Nana and Poppa at their home in Cornwall. They would be at their cottage along the St. Lawrence, and we would mostly spend the days in the water. It was so different from our home, this place -- if we walked up the road to the shop to buy Smarties and Coffee Crisps, we passed by people who spoke a different language, people who dressed differently than the people we were used to. We loved it. It smelled like the river, and exhaust from the road. Poppa always kept a pair of binoculars at the ready so we could inspect passing ships on the seaway, and he had a little book with all the ships' names and flags so we could look up the countries they came from. Norway. Denmark. Sweden. Canada, of course. Poppa had a boat, and while we there, he would take us out, maybe just one time, onto the river. The thought of that boat ride would sustain us for weeks before we ever left home, and remembering it after we returned kept us happy for months. The spray as we sped over the water. The musty smell of the fat orange life vests we wore. Poppa at the wheel pointing out interesting sights along the way -- but Poppa at the wheel was more interesting to us than any other sight. He would be shirtless and tan and his hair glinting in the sun. He loved that river.

And this more than anything is the way I remember him: the smells of the river, the fat orange life vests, the boat, the water, Poppa at the helm.

He was my Poppa.

I love him.

I miss him.


Monday, March 02, 2009

Yay, it worked!


So, as most of you are aware, our wedding was waaaaay back on Sept. 27th. That's like, 5 months ago. And ever since I got my photo discs from the photogs, I've been wanting to post a bunch of them on Facebook. But it turns out Facebook has a photo size limit, and most of our wedding photos exceed the size limit. So I thought, okay, I'll figure out how to resize them and then post them in an album. But resizing them made them look like crap. So it finally occurred to me today (bored, during a conference call) that maybe I could post a bunch of them here in my blog. As though that were some novel concept or whatever. And so I did a test with the photo below of my gorgeous niece Aspen, and it totally worked out nicely. So guess what?? I'm going to post a bunch of them here in my blog, because there's no size limit!


And just for fun, here's a bonus photo of The Pook to tide you over.


This is only a test...


Sunday, March 01, 2009

Outlander

Oh, you Outlander fanatics are so correct -- it is indeed wonderful! I'm only midway through the first book, but I've already joined this challenge to read the whole series before the new one comes out in September of this year:

http://outlanderchallenge.blogspot.com/

Never one to shirk from a reading challenge, I'm sure I'll be finished in no time.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

39 Things

Today is my birthday. Number 39. So I shall do my traditional birthday resolutions. 39 of them. Herewith, I resolve to:

1). Seek actual medical treatment for my PMDD. Otherwise, my husband is going to divorce me. Actually, he won't even dare to divorce me because he will fear my wrath. He'll have to fake his own disappearance a la Olivia Newton John's boyfriend, and sneak out in the middle of the night, and they'll find him 10 years later in a Florida meth lab/trailer park, with a full beard and long hair as his only disguise. And when they ask why he left, he'll say it was because his wife was turning into a psychopath 7 days of every month and he just couldn't take it anymore.

Plus, it makes me absolutely miserable.

2). Listen more to my Mary-Chapin Carpenter cds. I first came to know and love MCC through this stupid tribute show to women in country music back in 1994, and it seemed that she was the organizer of the whole thing because they sang one of her songs at the end, as the Big Production Number. She is not quite country, not quite folk, not quite rock, but always quite lovely. Plus she made a hit out of a Lucinda Williams song. That's just cool.

3). Drop a few pounds. Honestly, until I address a couple of other health issues, I'm pretty sure I don't have the will to lose all that I need to lose, but at the very least, I'd like fit into my pretty summer clothes again, which are size 16W and 18W. It is a sad state of affairs when you're wanting to lose weight so you can fit into smaller clothes that are still plus size clothes, but that's what happens when you're a lazy shit like me.

4). Blog more. Instead of Twittering and updating my Facebook status in blogging's place. Or filling out silly Facebook surveys. Which I love to do, but end up annoying myself when I do that instead of blog. So I'll try to be better.

5). Look at more art.

6). Take a cooking class. An Indian cooking class. Or something fun like that.

7). See better movies. We went to Best Picture Showcase at AMC Theatres this past weekend. It raised the bar. Considerably. Like, I'll still watch the crap on DVD or PPV, but when we're gonna spend 11 bucks on a ticket, we'll aim to be more discerning.

8). Re-examine my career. Find a direction. Make some decisions, set some goals. Figure shit out.

9). Yell less.

10). Laugh more.

11). Love better.

12). Purchase robot for doing laundry.

13). Seek to feel zen about laundry.

14). Do some yoga.

15). Not take American Idol so personally.

16). Not get pissed when people ask why I "need" an 80-gig iPod. No one fucking needs an iPod. No one needs a Shuffle or a Nano or a Touch. No one needs 4-gig or 8-gig or even 16 or more. My 80-gig iPod holds my music collection. No, I do not NEED to carry my entire music collection every single place I go. But I do like to carry my entire music collection every single place I go. Why the fuck do you care?? I will not ask you this, and I will not respond when you ask me why I need an 80-gig iPod. I will just smile serenely and walk away.

17). Get more sleep.

18). Watch more stand up comedy.

19). Play more quiz. I think I like to play quiz just as much as Rob does, if not maybe a little more (I am less competitive about it than he is, thus I have more fun when I play). But I don't get to play as much as him. I would like this to change.

20). Buy more shirts. I'm always at a loss for shirts. It's so aggravating.

21). Read more books. As if I don't read enough now, averaging one per week. I'd like to make it two per week.

22). Revisit my novel.

23). Get more pedicures.

24). Get more massages.

25). Watch more sunsets.

26). Read Jane Austen. I have weirdly never read any Jane Austen except for Pride and Prejudice at the ill-advised age of 12, when it was foisted upon me by a friend's mother. I didn't understand a fucking word of it. So now, having seen all the fantastic BBC movies a million times each and knowing they can't possibly compare to the actual novels, and feeling slightly guilty about it as well, I feel it's time. Since Harry Potter's done, I've got to read something, right??

27). And in that vein, read Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series. I know a thousand people (read: women) who read this series religiously and swear to me that it's really, really, really good. Apparently there's Scotland and this woman who goes back in time and men in kilts running about and stuff like that. It sounds a little romance-y, but it is not stocked in the Romance section of any bookstore, not even the Tattered Cover, and I am confident that these women friends of mine wouldn't read it if it were romance in disguise, so I'm going to give a go. I bought the first one the other night. It's 600 pages, and that's just the first one in a looooong series. So right away I love it, and I haven't even started reading it yet.

28). Quit whining about my hair and actually have better hair.

29). Figure out how to play Bakugan. For Daniel's sake.

30). Be more organized. Especially when it comes to time. I'm always forgetting to get things done or forgetting about plans I've made, or scheduling meetings and forgetting about them until the day before at 4:15 so guess what, I haven't prepared. If I were more on top of my calendar, it wouldn't be such an issue.

31). Keep more groceries in the house. This is so we can avoid all the last-minute trips to the store when we're panicking over what to make for dinner. We have gotten into a bad habit of not doing a big grocery shop on a regular basis, which means we run out of staples more often than we should. I can't even think of the last time we did a big shop -- December, probably.

32). Make more Rice Krispies Treats. Easy enough!

33). Get more manicures.

34). And pedicures.

35). Spend more time with Aspen. And Stacey and Nate. I guess. Since they're her parents.

36). Stay on top of my scrapbooking. I'm in a really good place with it right now, and feel like I can maintain it if I make sure to set aside one crop day per month.

37). Keep the house cleaner. We used to be so good about this and the last several months, since just before our wedding, we've been horribly lazy about it. It's really hard to climb out of that hole once you get into it, but I will insist that we make the effort.

38). Use my computer instead of continuing to hog Rob's. It's just that, his is the laptop, and thus one can sit in the big comfy chair with it instead of at the desk...

39). Drink more tea. More tea, less Diet Pepsi, maybe. Maybe that's the ultimate goal to shoot for with this one.

Damn, 39 was difficult. I better start thinking of the 40 I'm going to need for next year...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

So 'tis the season again...

For American Idol, that is.

I seriously don't know why I still watch this show. But I do, without fail. I feel kind of funky if I miss it. It seems like it should be something I'm too cool for. But on the other hand, I'm just cool enough to not care whether or not something I do is cool.

So there are some promising contestants this season. I'm pulling for Danny Gokey to go all the way. I had a huge temper tantrum last week when his friend Jemar didn't get chosen for the final 36. I'll hold out hope to see him in the Wild Card round. There are quite a few girls that I enjoy as well, but they're sort of bland. Like, I enjoy them, but I can't imagine listening to, like, an entire album of any of theirs.

Tonight the judges are irritating and getting all fussed over people that aren't that great. At least Simon chimes in with his voice of reason. I'm always really disturbed when Randy gets excited about people that suck. Randy's a dick, but at least he's usually honest. Not tonight though.

I like these rounds, though. It lets you see who can get past the nerves and actually perform. Clearly, Stevie Wright is not one of those people. Uch.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Flirty Girl Fit

So I just saw this awesome ad for a set of DVDs called 'Flirty Girl Fit' which will train you to dance like a stripper slut in your quest to lose unwanted poundage. And like showing us the dance moves wouldn't have been enough, they totally did that thing that sketchy diet products always do in their ads, which is to show before and after testimonials from apparent users of the product. According to this ad, you could theoretically lose like 40 pounds and 2 pant sizes just dancing like a stripper. Now, I don't know about any of you, but if I lost 40 pounds, that would actually take me down about 3 or 4 pant sizes. But I'm sure that was just an honest mistake on the part of the admakers.

It's $9.99 and if you order NOW, you'll also get a free stripper pole to put in your living room.

Look, I do not make this shit up.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Pregnant People That I Don't Really Know

I've noticed in recent years that I always -- always -- know when someone is pregnant, even before they make it public. I don't mean celebrities or whatever, but like people in my life that I may or may not be really close to, or people whose blogs I follow. Because they think they're hiding it (there's the whole "Don't announce before 12 weeks" taboo we've got going on in our culture, because of the increasingly large percentage of early miscarriage in this country), and they're totally not, because they start to talk and act like pregnant women. Part of it is that they'll stop doing stuff they've always done, like drinking wine when everyone else is drinking wine, or staying up late on the scrapbooking retreat (hi, sister Stacey, hahahaha, I totally knew when you were pregnant, maybe even before you did!). And part of it is that they turn weirdly serene, and more introspective than they've ever been. Even the ones who are already really introspective -- they become even more so. It's so funny. And then I'll be sitting there in a room with them or reading their blog (Hello, dooce! Hello, She Just Walks Around With It!) and thinking, "She is talking like a pregnant woman. I bet she's totally knocked up."

And of course I am always correct, and three weeks later they're announcing it to everyone.

I'm so smart and in touch with the energy of those around me.

Anyway, congratulations to Heather at dooce and Kristy at She Just Walks Around With It. It's all very exciting and I'm unbelievably happy for you both... unbelievable because I don't really know you, but feel like I sort of do.

Wow. This post is dumber than I expected it to be. Oh well.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

This is why I heart my friend Heather

Behold, the text of an email from my friend Heather:



From: Hughes, Heather

Sent: Tuesday, November 11, 2008 1:00 PM

To: Shannon McEwen

Subject: I am a complete tool....

I just went out into the cold with my big-red-dumb snowcoat on (the one that I refer to as my “sped” coat, because it seems that only a ‘tard would be caught wearing it). I saw a news team out on the 16th street mall, and I tried to avoid eye contact. I do not want to be interviewed in the sped coat. Well, the reporter asked me if I’d do a quick interview, and I thought, “sure, why not?”

So she asks me how much I would be willing to pay for tickets to Obama’s Inauguration.

“Uhmm $1,000?” I reply.

Dead Air. My eyes dart back and forth from the reporter (with a microphone shoved in my face) and the camera. Aaahh! Where am I supposed to look?

A few more seconds of dead air.

“Boy, that’s a lot of money for tickets.” She says.

And I reply, “yeah,”

Dead-dead-dead silence.

Then the camera guy says, “tell us why”

And I say, “well, I guess because I saw him at the convention and at the rally a couple of weeks ago, and I think he is a really good speaker,” (well mostly I stuttered through this part).

More dead air. I start to panic. Do I have to say something else?? Aaahh!

So the reporter says, “so do you plan on spending $1,000 for tickets?”

And I look directly into the camera and say, “no, cuz I don’t have a $1,000. But if I did, I would totally buy tickets” and I do this bizarre thing with my hands. Like, half thumbs up and half some bizarre hand signal I made up.

Then she has me spell my name in front of the camera, and I start to briskly walk away (because I feel like a complete and utter tool). She yells back, “you’ll be on at 5!” and I just looked back and mumbled, “uhkay”

But I realized I forgot to ask what station! Doh!

I did some research online, and I think it was Jane Slater that interviewed me. So maybe channel 7? Lol.

Friday, October 24, 2008

I've Got Nothing, So Let's Talk About VH-1!

I feel like all I do is rant all day and say wacky things to my coworkers, and have witty conversations on Facebook, and then I have nothing left for my blog. It's so depressing. Remember when I used to be funny? And kind of interesting?

Oh.

Well, last night began a new season of Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew on VH-1. I was addicted to that show last time, so naturally I tuned in. And I spent half the show in tears because some of the "celebrities" had such sad, sad stories. Like Steven Adler, the original drummer for Guns'n'Roses -- he started using drugs when he was only 11 years old, when his stepfather kicked him out of the house (actually, he made Steven's mom choose between him or Steven, and she chose the stepfather). 11 years old! With no home! 11 years old is only 4 years older than Daniel is right now. Daniel is a little kid. An 11 year old is a big kid, but still a kid. Not even out of elementary school. And this man just packed his stuff and dumped it on the sidewalk in front of the house for him to find when he got home from school.

And then there's this model on there named Amber Smith who looks really familiar and looks remarkably good considering she's been an addict for 16 years straight. Her mother got her hooked on drugs, and then told her she was being selfish for going to rehab to try and get better. Nice! Why are these people allowed to breed?? There's also Tawny Kitaen; a son of Rod Stewart; some girl who came in third the first season of American Idol; Jeff Conaway (back for more fun and hyjinks!); a very delusional Gary Busey; and Rodney King, of Rodney King beating fame. Also another tale that made me cry.

I dunno -- there are naysayers about this show, who say it just exploits these people for my entertainment, but I disagree. I think it helps them, and it can certainly help people watching. It's quite a cautionary tale. There's nothing glamorous about any of it.

Sad to say, the other shows I'm watching on VH-1 right now are The Pickup Artist 2, and Charm School: Rock of Love, starring my hero from season 2 of Rock of Love, Megan. Megan rules. One of the best lines on this show thus far was one of the contestants saying, "Don't be bitching about someone's fake boobs, we all have fake boobs in this house!" Dude, truer words have never been spoken. Anywhere. Charm School: Rock of Love is hilarious. I think it's supposed to be hilarious, which is good, because if it weren't, I would be frightened for the state of mind of the producers. The only person taking it seriously is the always-toolish Riki Rachtman, about the most irrelevant person in all of humankind. At one point in the second episode, he looked briefly humiliated at being there, as though he had only just realized that he actually signed up to be on a show where he was going to have to regularly referee nonsensical arguments between women who once vied for the affections of Bret Michaels on national television. And upon that realization, a very dark cloud passed over his face, and he went, "Whatever, I'm not going to argue with you about this," and then pouted when Sharon Osbourne didn't give his opinions any cred. It was awesome, because Riki Rachtman is a burnout and a tool. No one has ever given a shit about Riki Rachtman, and yet the dude has been sauntering about for years acting like he's some giant rock star. Sorry, Riki, but no.

One totally loses brain cells watching this show, but at the same time, it's really, really funny in a way the below-average sitcoms of network television are not.

I still have my concerns about The Pickup Artist, or mainly the man they call the Pickup Artist, Mystery. Mystery seems a little toolish, and I find it hard to believe he has such game. Maybe it doesn't translate over the television. Like, I can totally see the sense in the stuff that he tells the contestants, and see why those things work when you put them into action. But he still seems so nerdy, even behind the carefully constructed facade. And why do you have to be called "Mystery?" Why can't you just be Mike or Scott or Chuck or Dennis or whatever?

By the same token, I can totally see why his wing gets an awesome nickname like Matador. Matador is some sexy shit, and he doesn't even need game. He can just walk in looking like he does and it's all over. In fact, the women he flirted with in the first episode of this season were way beneath him.

And this season Mystery is using a female wing as a series regular rather than the blonde dude from the first season. Her name is Tara and she has great bangs. She seems like a really nice person, and yet is still a full on hottie. Just what the contestants need. A hot chick who's nice to them.

So that's three really entertaining shows per week on VH-1, plus The Best Week Ever on the weekends. And pretty soon I think there might be another season of Scott Baio. I can only hope!

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Will Post Soon...

I'm sure there are a handful of you out there who really want to see wedding photos and hear all about it, and I promise that I will get to that this weekend. We didn't have our own cameras at the wedding and are at the mercy of all our slacker friends to email us photos from their cameras. Or send us a disc. Or something.

(I know you people took pictures! I saw you!)

So... be back soon. With a real post!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Weirdly Random Update About Pre-Wedding Excitement

I figure I should update just because I haven't since August 13th, a few days into the Olympics and the Olympics are long over now, or so it seems. But... I got nothin'.

Well, here's one thing: We're getting married in two weeks. Two weeks from tomorrow! I'm so excited. Tried on my dress the other night -- it still fits, so that rocks. Rob's bachelor party is tomorrow. It sounds a little wild and zany. My bachelorette party is going to be a decidedly lower key affair at my favorite place (and former Jack Kerouac hangout, not that it matters), My Brother's Bar. We were going to try some salsa dancing at this one nightclub but some of us just were not in the mood. It'll be a lot of fun anyway. My Brother's Bar has amazing burgers and onion rings, and the bartenders mix awesome cocktails. Yeah, I've totally come to a point in my life where I'd rather have amazing burgers and onion rings and a really good Bloody Mary than go dancing at some big salsa club.

(See? This is boring, like the lame shit people write on LiveJournal.)

There are so many reasons I'm excited about the wedding. Getting married to Rob, for one thing. He's so wonderful. Even though he just told me he scratched my favorite LeCreuset stock pot by trying to scrub the bottom of it with a brillo pad -- I love him anyway. In fact, I kind of love him more because of that. Like he sat here for an hour looking all panicked because he was afraid to tell me. Like I was going to just get up and leave, or throw him out. "That's it, we're over." No. Don't think so. I mean, for one thing, he was actually in the kitchen scrubbing pots.

I can't wait to see my friends that are coming in from out of town. There will be Kate, Craig and Ella from Nevada. I haven't seen Kate and Craig since their wedding 10 years ago! That's just wrong. And they are coming with their daughter Ella, who is a year younger than The Pook. I've known Kate since we were four years old, and our dads both worked for Anaconda in Utah. She and her mom came over for lunch with me and my mom one day, and the rest is comic history. Comic, because Kate and I are fucking hilarious. When we are together, we are totally fucking hilarious. Just to tell you everything you need to know about Kate and I, she used to make me laugh hysterically by jumping on her bed with this giant Snuffleupagus stuffed toy she had as a pretend guitar, while we listened to the "Free to Be You and Me" soundtrack on her Mickey Mouse record player. And she also used to read me a book called Millicent the Monster in the most hilarious voices, and sometimes that would make me laugh hard enough to pee my pants. And when we were about 10, we used to religiously watch the Tim Conway show on television, and we would make these tapes of our own comedy act on my cassette recorder... Ahh, good times.

And then John from Toronto, who was basically my very first friend ever. He and his older brother David. Their family lived in the same tiny-ass town we lived in when I was a baby, up north of Vancouver. I think his dad worked for Anaconda -- I think everyone in that town did, because it was a small mining town. Anyway, when I was like 3 and John was like 2, we were best buddies. Lianne and David were best buddies, and the four of us were quite the quartet. They moved away to Ontario right before we moved to the States, but we always visited them when we would go to Cornwall to visit my grandparents -- we would fly into Toronto and spend some time with them before taking the train to Cornwall. John and David always held a certain mystique for my sister and I. They were cool Canadian boys who played hockey and had nice manners, but were still totally mischievous and fun to be around. And when they were older, they got hot (sorry, but they totally did, I'm not gonna lie), so it was always nice to have, like, John's picture on my bulletin board during high school and be able to tell my girlfriends that he was my friend John from Canada. I don't think I ever went so far as to pretend he was my boyfriend in Canada or anything, but I probably considered it.

Anyway, John and his mom are coming and I'm really looking forward to seeing them. Last time I saw John he and his friend Paul were coming through town on a road trip across the States, and we went drinking at the Breckenridge Brewery. I just remember it as being a really fun night. Like, you know how there's nothing all that special about drinking at the Breckenridge Brewery on an ordinary night, but there are just certain people who make everything so much more memorable and fun? That's how John and Paul were. They hustled some Bronco fans from New Mexico out of a few bucks at the pool table. That was pretty funny.

Rob's best friends Adam and Jenny will be here with their little kids. Adam and Jenny met at Rob's first wedding -- how funny is that! I can't wait to meet them -- I've spoken to Jenny on the phone a few times, but haven't met them yet. She and Rob have been friends for years -- since high school.

And of course Rob's mom will be here, who I always love to see. And his dad has decided he can make the trip after all, so I'll finally get to meet his dad.

And my Auntie Val is coming. I love Auntie Val. I could go on for days about Auntie Val and how sweet and fun and loving she is, and what amazing hair she always has.

And then just the particular group of people who are actually coming to the wedding -- it's really going to be an amazing, fun crowd. I think we're going to have a really nice time.

And of course I hope it's a wedding that all those people will say, on Monday at their offices or whatever, "Oh, the wedding was great. It wasn't other weddings we've been to." That's what we're shooting for.

Alcohol? Check. Geeks Who Drink pub quiz? Check. Yummy food? Check. Outstanding music? Check. Fun people? Check, check, check.

I guess we're ready.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Naked Male Insecurity Really Leaves Me Cold

Not really. That's just my favorite quote from The Cutting Edge, a movie I always think of during any Olympics, summer or winter. So I thought it would make a fun title. Despite having jack all to do with the post. Following is a funner-than-usual meme from I Am Livid's blog.

1. My uncle once: asked a 1-year-old and a 2-year-old if they were experiencing some "existential angst."

2. Never in my life: have I used heroin. Or crack. Or meth. Or any other really frightening drug.

3. When I was five: I had a really pretty dark green Polly Flinders dress that I would have worn every single day if my mum had allowed it.

4. High school was: lame, but I met some lovely people there.

5. I will never forget: giving birth.

6. Once I met: Scott Hamilton.

7. There’s this girl I know: who isn't even half as cool as me. And that's just sad.

8. Once, at a bar: I dumped a beer over someone's head.

9. By noon, I’m usually: starving and heading for the lunch room.

10. Last night: we went to Tanya and Craig's for a barbecue because all these lovely people from high school were in town for a visit.

11. If only I had: a million dollars.

12. Next time I go to church: will probably be on my wedding day.

13. What worries me most: are the low IQs of other drivers.

14. When I turn my head left I see: the outer wall of the living room.

15. When I turn my head right I see: Rob puttering about in the kitchen.

16. You know I’m lying when: right, like I'm going to give away my tell.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: bad movies featuring Mikhail Baryshnikov.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Puck.

19. By this time next year: I'll be an old married woman.

20. A better name for me would be: Shawty.

21. I have a hard time understanding: Chinese.

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: study law so I can make more money.

23. You know I like you if: I tease you. Mercilessly.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: my many fans.

25. Take my advice, never: read books that someone tells you are "really, really amazing" or "life changing."

26. My ideal breakfast is: omelet, corned beef hash from the Egg and I.

27. A song I love but do not have is: Children of the Revolution, T Rex.

28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: visit Stanley Park.

29. Why won’t people: all just get along?

30. If you spend a night at my house: I'll cook you chicken chili for dinner.

31. I’d stop my wedding for: a million dollars.

32. The world could do without: ignorance.

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: live in a trailer park.

34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: Aspen, Stacey and Lianne.

35. Paper clips are more useful than: staples.

36. If I do anything well it’s: laundry.

37. I can’t help but: think Daniel is totally cute.

38. I usually cry: twice a day, if not more.

39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: just be nice.

40. And by the way: Michael Phelps should win an extra gold medal just for being hot.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Sexy British Male Update

I had to call the sexy-voiced British underwriter again this week, and he took the time for an impromptu history lesson about the ISO General Liability form and how it's come to not exclude explosion, collapse, and underground resources. I didn't have the heart to interrupt him and let him know that I already knew these things, mainly because his voice is so mesmerizing. I mean, why doesn't he teach insurance continuing education?? I just spent the worst three days of my insurance life at a continuing ed seminar taught by some of the most dull people (okay, only one of them was dull, the other two were all right, but the dull one ruined the whole thing for the two were okay) on the planet. If this guy were teaching a seminar, I would be the genius of my office, because I would hang on every word and never forget the particular lilt that accompanied each one.

I wonder if Rob would go to an acting coach and learn to speak in a convincing British accent?

Saturday, July 19, 2008

When I Think Back on All the Crap I Learned in High School...

I performed the below exercise on LiveJournal after a friend posted it in hers. It was interesting. Back in high school, I always hated all the music "everyone else" was listening to. I found most of it actually painful to hear -- all those singers and bands of limited talent clogging up the airwaves. It's funny how so little changes -- the airwaves are still full of singers and bands of limited talent. The nice thing is that now, it's easier to locate good stuff. You can go on the internet, and read music blogs, and browse the music stores. You can read Paste and other music magazines to learn about new bands. You can ask your friend Jason what he's listening to... oh, wait, that's just Rob and me, since Jason's our friend, not yours. But you get my point.

When I was in high school, the way you found new and good music was to do a lot of research. You had to buy Star Hits magazine, or imported issues of the British counterpart, Smash Hits. You had to read everything you could get your hands on about your favorite bands, and learn what their influences were, and then check out those bands, and then check out their favorites, and so on down the line. And you had to read the liner notes on your albums (we had albums back then), so you would know the details of everyone involved in the project. And then if you enjoyed, say, the saxophone playing on the Roxy Music albums, you would check out other projects that guy had worked on. Or if you were a big Nick Rhodes fan, his mention in an interview of David Sylvian would lead you to check out David Sylvian, Ryuichi Sakamoto, and Japan. And from there you would develop a lifelong love of Ryuichi Sakamoto's work in film scoring, and decide to explore other Japanese musicians, and eventually find yourself one of the first die hard American fans of Shonen Knife.

If you were lucky, MTV would play some good videos, particularly on 120 Minutes on Sunday nights, and you would learn about some good new bands that way. This is where I learned about The Lover Speaks, a weird project produced by Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics. One of the best albums I ever bought, the one single, "No More I Love Yous," only ever got airplay as a video on 120 Minutes. Several years later, Annie Lennox covered this song, and everyone thinks it was her song to begin with, but I know better.

The other thing we had to do was make our way all the way downtown (Denver) to the cool record store, Wax Trax. Unless you had a driving friend who was willing to drive down there (it involved scary one way streets!) or a kind uncle in town for a week who would take you and your friends, this always involved an adventure on public transportation. It took almost an hour and a half to take the bus downtown (a twenty minute drive nowadays, what with improved public infrastructure and all), and you had to transfer at Alameda Ave. Then you had to walk from the downtown station up to Wax Trax on 14th Street. But once you got there, it was like magic... time stopped, you spent hours browsing the vinyl stacks for something new, something different, something no one else you knew had in their music collection. An album was about 6 or 7 bucks, but sometimes you would have to buy an import, which could run you anywhere from 14 to 30 bucks, depending on how rare it was. Remember the record store in Pretty in Pink? That was the Chicago location of Wax Trax. It wasn't a chain, but the owner had a couple of locations. All it was about was music-related posters on the walls, and albums. There might have been a handful of stickers and concert t-shirts for sale, but there was actually a place down the street and across called Across the Trax that sold music-related merch -- posters, shirts, buttons (or flair, as we call buttons on Facebook), bumper stickers, magazines, books.

This was all in the "punk" area of town, which was once the hippie area of town, and down the street from Wax Trax were several shops in which you could buy nice vintage clothing and crazy punk rock brands imported from England (Vivienne Westwood, and Doc Martens footwear). Our parents wouldn't let us dress that way so we could only browse and buy the occasional accessory. But the whole thing was so out of the realm of our daily suburban existence that it was always an adventure, and we would plan these trips downtown for weeks, saving babysitting money to buy albums and lunch, making lists of albums we wanted to look for, blocking out a whole day of vacation or an entire Saturday. I would go with Beth and Tanya and Katherine and Kama and Deanne, and sometimes with Thad -- he was always keen to drive downtown and get new music, too (in fact it was on one of these adventures that I convinced him to buy an album by The Damned, and after that he was really into The Damned, and he still listens to them to this day).

I know we all dreamed of actually working in the record store, but the people who did work there were too intimidating and cool (multiple piercings, mohawks, and Doc Martens) to ask for an application, so none of us ever did. Eventually we also discovered Twist and Shout on old south Pearl Street, but they never had quite what we were looking for -- back then, they catered to an older crowd, as much as they would like to deny it. So we didn't go there very often -- we were hardcore Wax Trax fans.

I can't decide which is better -- discovering music that way, or discovering music the way I discover it now. I'm not one of those people who age past 30 and start thinking that nothing new is ever good, or that the best years of my life happened between 15 and 21 (uch, how sad would that make my life!). So I love to browse new music on the computer, and nowadays, you don't have to gamble -- you can hear everything before you even buy it. The research is easier, and if the music is good, it's just as rewarding to hear as it was when I had to work really hard for it. I mean, good music is good music.

Anyway, below is my LiveJournal post which brought on all this nostalgia. The Billboard charts have never reflected my taste in music. But it was fun to look through them and see what was there those years.

The Music Meme: Where you find the Billboard Top 100 songs from the year you graduated form high school, bold the ones you liked, bold and underline the ones you loved, strike through the ones you hated, and ignore the rest.

The Top 100 Songs of 1988 according to Billboard (the thing with Billboard lists is that they reflect the nation in its entirety, not regional tastes, so people on the east coast might have been listening to other songs in heavy rotation that someone in the middle of the country never even heard; and prior to 2000, these were based on sales direct from the record company and radio airplay in large markets, not MTV, medioum or small market rotation, or actual sales to the public):

1. Faith, George Michael. Actually, I kind of secretly still like this song.
2. Need You Tonight, INXS
3. Got My Mind Set On You, George Harrison
4. Never Gonna Give You Up, Rick Astley. But "Together Forever" was better.
5. Sweet Child O' Mine, Guns N' Roses
6. So Emotional, Whitney Houston
7. Heaven Is A Place On Earth, Belinda Carlisle
8. Could've Been, Tiffany Tiffany was so vomitrocious. We were just talking about this the other night -- in 1988, you were either a Tiffany person, or a Debbie person. Debbie wrote her own songs and didn't look and act like trailer trash. I was a Debbie person.
9. Hands To Heaven, Breathe Sadly, I was just trying to find this on iTunes the other day but couldn't remember the name of the song. This was a late 1988 thing, so we were all into in the dorms.
10. Roll With It, Steve Winwood Ick. Now it's stuck in my head. Thanks!
11. One More Try, George Michael
12. Wishing Well, Terence Trent d'Arby
13. Anything For You, Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine
14. The Flame, Cheap Trick This was me and my boyfriend Chris's "song." *snerk*
15. Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car, Billy Ocean
16. Seasons Change, Expose
17. Is This Love, Whitesnake
18. Wild, Wild West, Escape Club
19. Pour Some Sugar On Me, Def Leppard
20. I'll Always Love You, Taylor Dayne
21. Man In The Mirror, Michael Jackson
22. Shake Your Love, Debbie Gibson
23. Simply Irresistible, Robert Palmer
24. Hold On To The Nights, Richard Marx
25. Hungry Eyes, Eric Carmen Everyone loved this song because it was on the Dirty Dancing soundtrack.
26. Shattered Dreams, Johnny Hates Jazz
27. Father Figure, George Michael
28. Naughty Girls (Need Love Too), Samantha Fox
29. A Groovy Kind Of Love, Phil Collins
30. Love Bites, Def Leppard
31. Endless Summer Nights, Richard Marx I can't even remember this song, I just remember that I liked it and was really embarrassed about it. Like, you people are the first people I've ever confessed this to.
32. Foolish Beat, Debbie Gibson
33. Where Do Broken Hearts Go, Whitney Houston And I.... will always hate Whitney Houston.
34. Angel, Aerosmith
35. Hazy Shade Of Winter, Bangles Gross. This is the stupid remake of a Simon and Garfunkel song from the Less Than Zero soundtrack, and the Bangles thought they were being all hip and knowledgeable about music when really they were just crap.
36. The Way You Make Me Feel, Michael Jackson Hated it then, but secretly like it now because of Center Stage.
37. Don't Worry, Be Happy, Bobby McFerrin Sadly was huge fan of this song. It was so new and different sounding. What does that tell you about the state of music in 1988???
38. Make Me Lose Control, Eric Carmen This is such a lame song, but I liked it.
39. Red Red Wine, UB40
40. She's Like The Wind, Patrick Swayze Sadly, everyone loved this song after Dirty Dancing was such a hit. Patrick Swayze could have done anything and we'd have all swooned.
41. Bad Medicine, Bon Jovi
42. Kokomo, Beach Boys I mean, it was sort of un-American to not like this song. It was from Cocktail!
43. I Don't Wanna Go On With You Like That, Elton John
44. Together Forever, Rick Astley Rick Astley was so cute.
45. Monkey, George Michael
46. Devil Inside, INXS
47. Should've Known Better, Richard Marx
48. I Don't Wanna Live Without Your Love, Chicago
49. The Loco-Motion, Kylie Minogue Um, no.
50. What Have I Done To Deserve This?, Pet Shop Boys and Dusty Springfield
51. Make It Real, Jets Gross. I had forgotten about Jets. Uch. Google them for a laugh.
52. What's On Your Mind, Information Society
53. Tell It To My Heart, Taylor Dayne I had this weird thing in the 1980s where I was extremely averse to music performed by women who looked like trashy sluts. Thus my dislike for Taylor Dane, Samantha Fox, and Tiffany.
54. Out Of The Blue, Debbie Gibson Yes. I confess. Debbie Gibson rulz.
55. Don't You Want Me, Jody Watley What I want is for you to go back to singing backup for Wham! where you belong.
56. Desire, U2 Not high on my list of U2 faves, but it was definitely a fave at the time -- I mean, look what else was on!
57. I Get Weak, Belinda Carlisle This was one of those great songs where you would listen to it and go, "God, I wish I could feel that way about someone too."
58. Sign Your Name, Terence Trent d'Arby What the hell happened to Terence Trent d'Arby?? He was so good.
59. I Want To Be Your Man, Roger Now this was just some effed up shit.
60. Girlfriend, Pebbles
61. Dirty Diana, Michael Jackson
62. 1-2-3, Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine
63. Mercedes Boy, Pebbles

64. Perfect World, Huey Lewis and the News
65. New Sensation, INXS
66. Catch Me (I'm Falling), Pretty Poison

67. If It Isn't Love, New Edition
68. Rocket 2 U, Jets
69. One Good Woman, Peter Cetera
70. Don't Be Cruel, Cheap Trick

71. Candle In The Wind, Elton John Please. You were coldhearted if you didn't like this song. Everyone liked this song. Even guys.
72. Everything Your Heart Desires, Daryl Hall and John Oates
73. Say You Will , Foreigner
74. I Want Her, Keith Sweat
75. Pink Cadillac, Natalie Cole
76. Fast Car, Tracy Chapman We thought we were SO cool, listening to Tracy Chapman our freshman year of college. She was like the Joni Mitchell of 1988 or something.
77. Electric Blue, Icehouse If I heard this song right now, I would still love it.
78. The Valley Road, Bruce Hornsby and The Range
79. Don't Be Cruel, Bobby Brown
Wild Thursday nights in the Ramskellar notwithstanding, no.
80. Always On My Mind, Pet Shop Boys
81. Piano In The Dark, Brenda Russell Featuring Joe Esposito -- I don't even know this one. It probably sucked.
82. When It's Love, Van Halen I was a fan of Sammy Hagar pre-Van Halen, and loved him as their lead singer too.
83. Don't Shed A Tear, Paul Carrack
84. We'll Be Together, Sting

85. I Hate Myself For Loving You, Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
86. I Don't Want To Live Without You, Foreigner
87. Nite And Day, Al B. Sure
88. Don't You Know What The Night Can Do, Steve Winwood
89. One Moment In Time, Whitney Houston
90. Can't Stay Away From You, Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine
91. Kissing A Fool, George Michael
Interstingly, I like this song now. But ohhhhh did I hate it then.
92. Cherry Bomb, John Cougar Mellencamp I don't like this one any more, but I do have it on a mix tape from that year, so I know I liked it then.
93. I Still Believe, Brenda K. Starr
94. I Found Someone, Cher
95. Never Tear Us Apart, INXS I had sex with a really hot guy with this song playing on repeat. Too much information? Too bad!
96. Valerie, Steve Winwood I heard this on the radio the other day and I still kind of like it. I mean, I didn't change the channel or anything.
97. Just Like Paradise, David Lee Roth
98. Nothin' But A Good Time, Poison
99. Wait, White Lion More embarrassing than liking Debbie Gibson...
100. Prove Your Love, Taylor Dayne

That is a 100 percent accurate list, but, since it's for the whole of 1988, more accurately depicts the first half of my freshman year of college than my senior year of high school. To get an accurate picture of the "music" They played my senior year of high school, we have to go back to 1987 (and watch how many songs I cross out):

1. Walk Like An Egyptian, Bangles
2. Alone, Heart I had a good friend who learned this song on the piano to get chicks to swoon over him at parties, and it totally worked. But he doesn't realize what a hottie he was to begin with.
3. Shake You Down, Gregory Abbott. I don't even know what the fuck this is. I'm sure it sucked.
4. I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me), Whitney Houston
5. Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now, Starship
6. C'est La Vie, Robbie Nevil

7. Here I Go Again, Whitesnake This is the one with the video where she dances on the hood of his car. Everyone liked this song, even nu wave hipsters like me.
8. The Way It Is, Bruce Hornsby and the Range
9. Shakedown, Bob Seger
10. Livin' On A Prayer, Bon Jovi

11. La Bamba, Los Lobos This was another song that no one could quibble with. Plus it turned a lot of people on to Los Lobos, who are awesome.
12. Everybody Have Fun Tonight, Wang Chung I will not wang chung tonight, I will just mind my own business.
13. Don't Dream It's Over, Crowded House Weirdly, my best friend Katherine had to go all the way to Venezuela on summer vacay and bring this tape back and that's when we first heard it. But then later it got popular here too.
14. Always, Atlantic Starr Oh Christ no. This reminds me of the excruciating 5 minutes when Laurie Ann Smith and Chris Lujan sang this as a duet at the senior choir concert. Horrible. Just... painful.
15. With Or Without You, U2
16. Looking For A New Love, Jody Watley
17. Head To Toe, Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam I always thought this song was by someone else. But I liked it.
18. I Think We're Alone Now, Tiffany
19. Mony Mony, Billy Idol

20. At This Moment, Billy Vera and The Beaters. I'm not sure I know this one either. Oh wait! I just remembered, and I hated it. Ick.
21. Lady In Red, Chris De Burgh
22. Didn't We Almost Have It All, Whitney Houston
23. I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, U2
24. I Want Your Sex, George Michael Seriously, did ANYONE actually LIKE this song? Or was it all just about the controversy? It was horrible, horrible, horrible.
25. Notorious, Duran Duran
26. Only In My Dreams, Debbie Gibson

27. (I've Had) The Time Of My Life, Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes Another Dirty Dancing classic.
28. The Next Time I Fall, Peter Cetera and Amy Grant Yes, I confess. Huge fan of this song. Loved it. Hate it now, though, if that's any consolation.
29. Lean On Me, Club Nouveau
30. Open Your Heart, Madonna
31. Lost In Emotion, Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
32. (I Just) Died In Your Arms, Cutting Crew

33. Heart And Soul, T'pau Sort of. I mean, T'pau was kind of edgy.
34. You Keep Me Hangin' On, Kim Wilde
35. Keep Your Hands To Yourself, Georgia Satellites Yes. But I hate it now.
36. I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me), Aretha Franklin and George Michael
37. Control, Janet Jackson
38. Somewhere Out There, Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram
39. U Got The Look, Prince
40. Land Of Confusion, Genesis

41. Jacob's Ladder, Huey Lewis and The News The only Huey Lewis song I ever really liked, as far as I recall. And I couldn't even sing it to you now -- I just remember liking it.
42. Who's That Girl, Madonna
43. You Got It All, Jets
44. Touch Me (I Want Your Body), Samantha Fox
45. I Just Can't Stop Loving You, Michael Jackson and Siedah Garrett
46. Causing A Commotion, Madonna
I don't even KNOW this song.
47. In Too Deep, Genesis
48. Let's Wait Awhile, Janet Jackson
49. Hip To Be Square, Huey Lewis and the News
50. Will You Still Love Me?, Chicago
This was our prom song. Eww.
51. Little Lies, Fleetwood Mac
52. Luka, Suzanne Vega

53. I Heard A Rumour, Bananarama
54. Don't Mean Nothing, Richard Marx
55. Songbird, Kenny G
56. Carrie, Europe
57. Don't Disturb This Groove, System
58. La Isla Bonita, Madonna
59. Bad, Michael Jackson
60. Sign 'O' The Times, Prince
61. Change Of Heart, Cyndi Lauper
62. Come Go With Me, Expose
63. Can't We Try, Dan Hill
64. To Be A Lover, Billy Idol
65. Mandolin Rain, Bruce Hornsby and the Range

66. Breakout, Swing Out Sister Ohhh yeah. Loved the Swing Out Sister.
67. Stand By Me, Ben E. King
68. Tonight, Tonight, Tonight, Genesis
69. Someday, Glass Tiger Yes, I dug this band. They were Canadian.
70. When Smokey Sings, ABC This was a nice retro-sounding tune.
71. Casanova, Levert
72. Rhythm Is Gonna Get You, Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine
73. Rock Steady, Whispers
74. Wanted Dead Or Alive, Bon Jovi
75. Big Time, Peter Gabriel
76. The Finer Things, Steve Winwood
77. Let Me Be The One, Expose
78. Is This Love, Survivor
79. Diamonds, Herb Alpert

80. Point Of No Return, Expose
81. Big Love, Fleetwood Mac

82. Midnight Blue, Lou Gramm Another song I weirdly loved.
83. Something So Strong, Crowded House
84. Heat Of The Night, Bryan Adams
85. Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You, Glenn Medeiros
86. Brilliant Disguise, Bruce Springsteen
87. Just To See Her, Smokey Robinson
88. Who Will You Run Too, Heart
89. Respect Yourself, Bruce Willis
90. Cross My Broken Heart, Jets
91. Victory, Kool and The Gang

92. Don't Get Me Wrong, Pretenders
93. Doing It All For My Baby, Huey Lewis and The News
94. Right On Track, Breakfast Club
95. Ballerina Girl, Lionel Richie
Apparently this song was about his little daughter Nicole.
96. Meet Me Half Way, Kenny Loggins
97. I've Been In Love Before, Cutting Crew
98. (You Gotta) Fight For Your Right To Party, Beastie Boys

99. Funkytown, Pseudo Echo Everyone loved this song -- the dweebies, the geekoids, the jocks -- they all adored it.
100. Love You Down, Ready For The World. I have no idea what this song is, but it sounds like it sucked.

This has been quite the interesting trip down memory lane. And Trent, if you're reading this? I never want to hear you bitch and moan about the sad state of music again. Because as you can see, it can always get worse. And we didn't have the internet back then.